today

Today...I am tired.  I feel like I could stay in bed and sleep the entire day.  But I was up early and out of the house with the kids at 7:30am because the bigger girls had dentist appointments.  They've been "watching " one of Miss Rose's back molars, and today he said it's crossed over to the dark side and it's time for a filling.  Unfortunately she has soft teeth with deep grooves.  I'm hoping her permanent teeth are stronger.  I'm NOT looking forward to the cavity appointment.  I am quite confident we'll be paying the fee for nitrous oxide.  Remember this experience when she had shots at the doctor's office?  That was over a year ago, she's quite taller and weighs 10 more pounds.  I'm not thinking she'll take well to the shots in her mouth.

Today...I have a sore throat and headache.  Along with being tired.  A few families at church have had strep throat recently, as did Miss Rose a month ago or so.  Not that I think I got it from any of them (if I have it) but apparently, it's going around.  I'm hoping I don't have strep.

Today...I'm going to spend as much time on the couch as possible.  Thankfully, Gracie is in love with Ice Age-the Dinosaurs.  I'm not sure the exact title, but that's what she calls it.  She's perfectly happy to lay on the couch with me watching it.  Miss Rose rarely watches more than abou 45min of TV or a movie before she's bored and wanting to move on to the next thing, so I'm glad she's at school!

Today...I have many things that could or should be done.  That's what happens when you work a few days a week and are home a few days.  Everything piles up.  Errands, chores, cleaning, organizing.  I don't know that any of them will get done today.

Today...I'm just working on making it through today.  I seem to cycle through weeks of positive thinking and outlook on my crazy, busy life.  But then weeks like this one come along, and without any real rhyme or reason I feel overwhelmed and discontent with the balancing act.  I know I'm not the only one.  All working mothers experience it.  No matter how much you love your job or are fulfilled by it, being a mom is stil number one, and it's hard when you aren't living up to your own expectations.  Even when you've lowered those expectations quite significantly.

Today...is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.  A few mornings ago, this verse came to mind as I was driving Miss Rose to school.  Gracie and Lily were in the car too, and our next stop was Grammie's, where they would be for the day while I went to work.  I was already missing them.  Feeling sad that I had two more days of work before I could be more hands on with them.  And I thought to myself, if THIS is the day the Lord made, then no matter what the day holds, whether I like it's contents or not, I need to rejoice and be glad.  Not an easy pill to swallow when I'd rather just wallow in self-pity.  Because THIS is the day the Lord made.  He made my day.  He knows the contents of my day.  He knows what I have to do and where I have to be.  So I need to trust him, and rejoice and be glad.

The trusting part I'm doing okay with.  Rejoicing and being glad...I'm working on it.  But I am resting in the knowledge that he made today.  THIS day.

friends

Often, one of the highlights of our night is checking the kids before they go to sleep, and what we find.  We have many photos of their creativity.  One of my all-time favorites (which isn't on this computer, otherwise I would share it) was when Miss Rose was sick and we'd let her take a Kleenex box to bed and she fell asleep with her arm in the box.  Miss Rose was also infamous for getting out of bed and loading her bed with toys before falling asleep.

While Gracie doesn't get out of bed too often, she has a group of stuffed toys that have taken up residence in her bed.  Most of them stay there the entire day.  She usually has one or two favorite "toys of the hour" that she brings out to the living room.

When I found her like this the other night, I had to take a photo.  If I was nifty and had a photo program to use, I'd label this photo with arrows and captions.  I'd tell you about the doll she's adopted that was a birthday gift for Lily, the ones that were originally given to Miss Rose, the Mickey and Minnie Mouse which I almost didn't buy for Christmas, but she absolutely loves, the Nemo her Sunday School teacher gifted her with after a Noah's Ark series in which she brought in a lot of stuffed animals from home, the "Purple Baby" which is a Madame Alexander doll I bought her for her first birthday, and she has recently taken a great liking too, and the list goes on. 

The best part, she calls them all her "friends."

"I need to find my friends, mommy."

"Can you put my friends by me?"

"THERE'S my friends!"

It's pretty cute.

Usually at some point in the morning, Gracie will go into her room and put a few of her friends to sleep.  She'll lay them on the pillows (using Miss Rose's bed too of course) and cover them with blankets.  If I get too loud (in her opinion) she'll tell me to "shhh, my friends are sleeping."

Oh, to be a toddler again.  When life and friendship are so easy.

When I was uploading that photo, I saw these as well and just had to share.  

Gracie also likes to sleep in odd positions and sometimes underneath her pillow.  Which is why you see couch pillows between her bed and the wall.  On more than one occasion, she's crying in her sleep because her body is wedged between the mattress and the wall.  We've also had to start putting a pillow between the two rails of the side guard as she kept getting a leg caught in there too.

This is what we found a few months ago.  It was kind of hard to figure out what position her body was in.

Upon removing the pillow...

She was dead asleep.  There's a lot going on here!  Hot and sweaty from having the pillow on top of her.  One arm resting outside the bed on the Princess Dress Up chest.  Feet up on the head of the bed with a pillow nestled between.

Impressive.

Kids are so great!

clean up, clean up

Do all six-year-olds protest cleaning, or is it just mine?

Because you'd think we were asking her to remodel the house.

She whines and moans and complains.  She "can't" see things that are right in front of her.  She tirades about the unfairness of it all.

Quite frankly, it's exhausting just supervising.  Which is maybe how we go to this point in the first place.  It's much easier to do it ourselves, or just leave it.

This night though, I was going to win the battle.  So I followed her around, instructing her on what needed to be done.  I made her throw away the tiny pieces of paper she had cut, much to her dismay.  She had to pick things up and put them in their rightful place.  I wasn't going to let the 5 markers on the TV cabinet stay there, like I usually do.  We were cleaning up every little thing.

And, she did.  It was a battle though.  Lots of tears and protests.  I had to tell her every little thing to do. 

What kills me, is she is one of the most responsible kids in her classroom.  Always volunteering and helping.  Never giving her teacher trouble.

So I know she has it in her, the potential is there.

Now if I can just muster the energy to go through this tomorrow night. 

Consistency is key, right?

still figuring it out

I'm not sure I'll ever understand myself.  I guess if I did, life would be boring and predictable.  But I wouldn't mind a little better grasp of the things that make me tick.

Those of you who are regular readers, may think that I'm a health and exercise nut.  In some ways, I am.  I have great intentions and have had great results at times.

And yes, my little rants about food and exercise are probably becoming a bit tiresom to ya'll.  But it's where I'm at these days.


Through Weight Watchers and running I've lost a lot of weight after each pregnancy.  I've completed three half-marathons and a few 10k's.  I did the 30-Day Shred for 28 or 29 of 30 days almost a year ago.

But, as I've been sharing here, I still have food issues, and I'm finding it hard to stay consistent with exercise for various reasons.  Of course I'm great at sharing my successes, which easily lead one to believe I'm always successful.  But I'm not.

Why is it that I can be so motivated and so sucessful at certain points in my life, and fail miserably at others.  I'm doing a little better with getting out to run, but failing miserably at the eating.  I know what I should be eating.  I know I'm snacking too much, eating too many desserts and just generally indulging.

The waistbands of my pants are a little tighter than I would like them to be, and my muffin top and jelly roll are in full effect.  I feel SO much better about life when I feel good about myself.  Perhaps it shouldn't effect me in the way that it does, but it does.  I saw some photos of myself from last weekend that I was not thrilled with.  Not only do I need to find a miraculous eye cream and new easy ways to do my hair (instead of the basic ponytail), I was a little more round in all the wrong places.

I could go on a strict diet, and cut out all the junk.  Of course, that works.  But for me, that's not a long-term way of life.  I want to eat well the majority of the time, but I want to be able to enjoy the occassional treat or indulgent meal out.  I need to find that balance. 

Let's not talk about the guilt I feel for the lack of veggies in my children's diets.  On a good day, Miss Rose has 2-3 servings of fruit/veggies and Gracie has 1.  Gracie is still in that picky phase with food and if she doesn't want to eat it, you can't make her eat it.  We were relying on fruit leathers, which have no added sugar, for her fruit, but it was becoming a crutch.  So we've stopped buying them until she increases her fresh food intake.

I know, I just need to crack down and do it.  I need to create a plan and stick to it.  I need to find the exercise DVD's I can do early in the morning that won't wake my family.  I need to make an eating plan for the week and do it.  I have 23583497 calorie/food tracking app's on my iPhone.  I've been a part of several different online message boards for accountability in this area over the years.  I have the tools.

In my head, I'm working towards March.  I want to do my own version of March Madness...and cut out most processed sugar in my diet.  I think that would make a huge difference. 

In January our church did a 7-day Daniel Fast.  It was a great experience, both spiritually and physically.  I honestly wasn't hungry during the week.  Sure, I wanted junk foods at times, but by the end of the week, not having them wasn't a huge deal.  The Daniel Fast focuses on fresh, unprocessed foods and no meat or dairy.  I ate plenty of nuts, oatmeal, veggie chili and soup, fruit and vegetables, popcorn and herbal tea.  In my opinion, with the addition of some lean protein and low-fat dairy, it's a great way to eat all of the time.  Or most of the time. 

So I know, from that recent experience, if I cut this stuff from my diet, I will stop wanting it and looking for it.

I just need to find that stinking motivation and willpower.  Add that to some discipline and consistency and I'll be feeling much better about myself and my life.

the lashes, the eyes, the red

Here's a little preview, of what my smallest sweetheart looks like in her briar.claire hat.

Adorable if you ask me. Even though she's dressed in just a onsie.

I'm anxious to take more, but she's currently sporting a bright purple mouth

(which Gracie says looks "so pretty" like makeup) because I found a few more suspicious spots in her mouth--thrush reoccurance.

So Genetian Violet is our friend.

Look at these eyelashes. I don't recall my other babies having such long eyelashes. I'm quite envious of them.

And the eyes. Of course I love the red hat, because it's red for my sweet Valentine, but it really makes her blue eyes pop.

If I tried to adjust some colors in the photo, using one of my free photo programs, they would probably pop more.

When I was pregnant with Miss Rose, I was hoping she'd have blue eyes like me (Bean's mom has blue eyes) but hers are the most beautiful chocolate brown.

Gracie seemed to have blue eyes during her first year, but now they are a unique green/hazel color.

Very beautiful. I'm trying to learn which colors accent her eyes as well.

The blue eyes came with this last baby of mine. They certainly seem like they are staying blue. Although stranger things have happened.

Not to be left out...my other two beauties.

This was a most precious sight last weekend. Miss Rose was playing computer games, and Gracie wedged herself in so she could watch. They sat like this for at least twenty minutes.

Warmed this mama's heart.

24

I am fairly certain that the last 24 hours of my life could easily have been made into a season long series chronicling one hour each episode.

Oh wait, there's already a show like that.

Well, I think mine would have a great "mom" audience.

Hmmm...that would make a great TLC type of show, don't ya think?

I am so tired tonight it's amazing.  I should be in bed.  I would be, except it's Bean's birthday today and he's at worship practice.  I'm trying to stay up until he gets home.  Or until I can't keep my eyes open any longer.  Nights like this I wish we had a TV in our room, so I could be cozy in bed.  But then the chances of my falling asleep would be even greater.

Back to 24.

Seriously, the last 24 hours = insanity!  The regular ins and outs of life, as well as me always trying to do too much.

You want to know what I have been so busy with?  Oh, sure.  I'd love to share.  I might just go back a few more than 24hrs.

Wednesday
 4pm: Leave work after a very full day catching up from having Monday off.  Pick up kids from mother-in-law

4:30pm: Arrive home with little girls, begin to prepare dinner

5:00pm: Bean arrives home with Miss Rose from her first T-ball practice.  Miss Rose gets in the shower while I finish up dinner.

5:30pm: Family sits down to eat.  Gracie only eats 1 baby carrot and 2 forced bites of pizza muffin.

5:45pm: Scramble to get out of the door to church

6:00-6:30pm: Leave for church, arrive at church, check kids in, take 5-month old niece for sister-in-law who is speaking to the youth group

6:30-8:00pm: Lead small group; niece is antsy so being the great uncle he is, Bean takes her out and walks around for the majority of the time

8:00pm: Bean and I are in possession of 6 children.  I'm carrying two babies, two 6-yr olds & a 3 yr old are running around like crazy, 2yr old is crying because we aren't his mom.  Bring 3 kids to their mom, take our 3 kids home.

8:30-9:00pm: Get home, finally get our kids in bed.  Now I have to go to the store because I'm starting cinnamon rolls tonight for a playgroup baby shower tomorrow.

9:30pm-11:15pm: I go through the first few steps and waiting periods of making cinnamon rolls while watching TV with Bean.  Finally go to sleep.

Thursday
5:45am: Wake up to make a small pan of cinnamon rolls for Bean before he leaves for work.  He always spoils me rotten and deserves some of the same for his birthday

6:30am: Cinnamon rolls are cooking, girls wake up, begin morning routines, Bean and the girls enjoy cinnamon rolls together before he leaves.  Worth the price of admission.  Or the price of waking up so early

7:30am: Take Miss Rose to school, stop by the store to pick up a few things I need to finish cinnamon rolls (having enough cinnamon is crucial)

8:15am-9:30am: Feed little girls more breakfast, get cinnamon rolls in the pans and rising, bathe little girls, shower myself, get everything in the car, drive to playgroup and get rolls in the oven.

11:45am: Arrive home from playgroup (always a fun, chaotic time) where friend was showered with diapers and we all ate the yet unborn baby's weight in cinnamon rolls.

Feed little girls lunch, do first set of dishes (we have no dishwasher), clean the hardened melted butter, cinnamon, sugar & flour (I really just spelled it "flower" and had to go back and correct; TIRED) off the dining table

1pm: Finally get little girls down for naps; my mom comes over so I can go get birthday gifts for Bean

3pm: After successful shopping, pick Miss Rose up from her after school aerobics class

Deal with a tired 6yr old, little girls finally wake up from nap, clean up the house a bit, do a few more dishes, start getting dinner ready, put laundry in (I'm SO behind right now)

Work with Miss Rose on her sight words for a test tomorrow, and monitor her homework. 

4:15pm: Bean the Birthday Boy arrives home; gotta keep dinner going, potatoes not baking fast enough in the oven, baby is fussy and hungry, crackers not cutting it

5:15pm: With Bean's help, dinner is finally ready and we sit down to eat

5:30pm: Dinner's done, time to load up to head to Frozen Yogurt as our birthday treat

6:00pm: We've driven separately to Fro Yo.  Bean now heads to church, I head home with the girls

So thankful that the girls are clean enough to skip bathing tonight.  Not happening! 

It's a calm evening for the most part. 

7:15pm: Girls are in bed, nurse baby and put her down. 

More laundry.

Toys are strewn about the living room.  Dinner stuff is still on the table.  I never did get the cinnamon roll dishes finished, and now dinner prep dishes are there also. 

I am, stuck on the couch.  I simply have nothing left.  It can wait.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Thankfully, it's a day with no plans, no major to-do list, no appointments.  It's also the neighbor's day to drive to school.  Which means I just have to get Miss Rose out of the house, not all 4 of us.  And I'll be in my jammies for a long time.

I loved treating Bean this morning to a special birthday breakfast on a workday.  I loved making cinnamon rolls for our playgroup.  I loved eating them. 

I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining.  Because I'm not.  Just telling it like it is!  And sometimes, it's tiring, while also being rewarding.

I AM going to have to put away some clean laundry before I can go to bed.  It's folded on my bed currently.  See, a mom's work is never done.  Even when she tries to be done.

life & love

If only I could actually write all the blog post ideas that I have and write in my head.  Recently I read another bloggers idea about an app or program that would write the blog you compose in your head.  If I could remember what blogger it was, I would totally give her credit.

We've been living life.  And we've been loving one another.  It was Valentine's weekend you know.  And oh the cute posts I thought about writing about why I love each of my children and my husband.  But I was too busy loving and living to actually write about it.  Which isn't a bad thing.

We had a nice long weekend.  Miss Rose was off of school Friday and Monday.  Friday, we finally got to make the trip to see my friend's new house and let our girls run around and play together.  Six girls is a lot!  It was a wonderful visit though.  We spent a lot of time with friends and family this weekend. 

Valentine's Day was busy, but we were together.  Being Sunday, it's a workday for me.  Miss Lily had thrush, so Daddy kept her home from church.  He did bring me my favorite Starbucks drink at 6:30am as I was getting ready for church.  Awww, whattaguy!  I returned the thought, and brought him home a McDonald's Diet Coke (our favorite fountain Diet Coke...and at $1 for an extra large, you can't beat it).  That was the extent of our V-Day exchange, which was perfectly fine with me.  When we get a chance, we'll have a date night too.

I was very excited about getting the girls flowered hats from Briar.Claire.  In true form, they weren't all that excited though.  Things usually have to lose their newness before they decide they like them.  I'm hoping they'll wear them here and there.  I will not be beyond bribing them for a photo session sometime in the near future.  I got a few cute photos of Lily in her red (of course) hat.  It makes her blue eyes stand out!

Miss Rose starts T-ball this week.  Practices for a few weeks and then games begin in March.  We're excited to see how she does and she is excited to play.  She definately has some natural sports ability.  She loved her first year of soccer, but the second year didn't seem to be as thrilling for her.  So we'll see how this sport goes.

Life goes on.  Life is full.  Thankfully, there's a lot of love to go around as well.