today

Today...I am tired.  I feel like I could stay in bed and sleep the entire day.  But I was up early and out of the house with the kids at 7:30am because the bigger girls had dentist appointments.  They've been "watching " one of Miss Rose's back molars, and today he said it's crossed over to the dark side and it's time for a filling.  Unfortunately she has soft teeth with deep grooves.  I'm hoping her permanent teeth are stronger.  I'm NOT looking forward to the cavity appointment.  I am quite confident we'll be paying the fee for nitrous oxide.  Remember this experience when she had shots at the doctor's office?  That was over a year ago, she's quite taller and weighs 10 more pounds.  I'm not thinking she'll take well to the shots in her mouth.

Today...I have a sore throat and headache.  Along with being tired.  A few families at church have had strep throat recently, as did Miss Rose a month ago or so.  Not that I think I got it from any of them (if I have it) but apparently, it's going around.  I'm hoping I don't have strep.

Today...I'm going to spend as much time on the couch as possible.  Thankfully, Gracie is in love with Ice Age-the Dinosaurs.  I'm not sure the exact title, but that's what she calls it.  She's perfectly happy to lay on the couch with me watching it.  Miss Rose rarely watches more than abou 45min of TV or a movie before she's bored and wanting to move on to the next thing, so I'm glad she's at school!

Today...I have many things that could or should be done.  That's what happens when you work a few days a week and are home a few days.  Everything piles up.  Errands, chores, cleaning, organizing.  I don't know that any of them will get done today.

Today...I'm just working on making it through today.  I seem to cycle through weeks of positive thinking and outlook on my crazy, busy life.  But then weeks like this one come along, and without any real rhyme or reason I feel overwhelmed and discontent with the balancing act.  I know I'm not the only one.  All working mothers experience it.  No matter how much you love your job or are fulfilled by it, being a mom is stil number one, and it's hard when you aren't living up to your own expectations.  Even when you've lowered those expectations quite significantly.

Today...is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.  A few mornings ago, this verse came to mind as I was driving Miss Rose to school.  Gracie and Lily were in the car too, and our next stop was Grammie's, where they would be for the day while I went to work.  I was already missing them.  Feeling sad that I had two more days of work before I could be more hands on with them.  And I thought to myself, if THIS is the day the Lord made, then no matter what the day holds, whether I like it's contents or not, I need to rejoice and be glad.  Not an easy pill to swallow when I'd rather just wallow in self-pity.  Because THIS is the day the Lord made.  He made my day.  He knows the contents of my day.  He knows what I have to do and where I have to be.  So I need to trust him, and rejoice and be glad.

The trusting part I'm doing okay with.  Rejoicing and being glad...I'm working on it.  But I am resting in the knowledge that he made today.  THIS day.

almost home

I'm sitting in the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport, waiting to come home.  I've been at Tommy Barnett's Pastor's School.  Our group took a coach bus--but Bean agreed to letting me fly home as it will get me home 5-6 hours earlier than if I traveled on the bus. This pastor is committed to her call and her job (thus traveling without my family) but this mom is anxious to get home.  So anxious in fact, I failed to take into consideration the location of our hotel in respect to the airport, and the taxi ride cost just about as much as my ticket.  Live and learn. Hopefully Bean feels the same way after hearing the cost.

Pastor's School was a wonderful experience.  It's inspiring and challenging.  Probably one of the things I enjoyed the most was getting to be in a service, worship whole-heartedly, listen to an entire message, without needing to attend to a matter, check on something or be interrupted by a need.  Pastors rarely get to sit through entire church service!  God used Pastor's School to confirm things he's already been doing in me personally, as well as direction for my duties at church. 

This was a huge step for me.  Leaving my family.  Leaving my husband with three children to care for.  Leaving my BABY.  Figuring out bottles and breastmilk and pumping.  I never left Miss Rose or Gracie overnight until they were 18+ months.  But I did it.  I knew it was the right thing.  I knew we would make it.  And we did!!  My family did well without me, and I had a great experience.

I will say, being a working, traveling, still nursing mother brings new meaning to the word dedication!  It's not for the weak.  We spent 12+ hours at the conference site each day.  That was me, carrying around a purse and an extra bag holding my breastpump.  Since we were at a church, thankfully I found a nursing mothers room late the first day.  Keeping pumped milk cold, making sure I kept my supply up so I won't have trouble returning to nursing.  Although Lily has taken her bottles well, I'm hoping she'll be as happy to return to nursing as I will be.

That's not to mention the preparations before I left. 

While I was gone, Miss Rose participated in her first jogathon!  While running 19 laps, which Bean estimates to be close to 5 miles, she also lost her first tooth.  Lost it not only from her mouth, but in general.  She didn't notice at which point it came out.  How's that for a milestone! 

I'm almost home!

Trial Run

I return to work in a few weeks. I am blessed to work just 3 days in the office--which gives me two weekdays with my beautiful daughters. Bean leaves for work as the girls are waking up, so I'm pretty much on my own dressing everyone (including myself), breakfasting (including nursing the baby) and getting out of the house.

This week I decided to do a trial run of when my maternity leave is over. Our staff meetings are on Tuesdays, so I figured that was a good day to go into work. Gracie decided to wake up at 5:45am and subsequently wake Miss Rose up...but I made them stay in bed for a while.

We managed to get out of the house on time. And we were dressed. AND I even had some makeup on. Lately I've been enjoying that I can take Miss Rose to school in my jammies and slippers and showering when I get home. So it was quite a feat to get that all done BEFORE we left.

However...I did forget my cell phone in the mad scramble to get everyone and everything out of the house. And I ALMOST left the house completely open. As in the door and the security screen wide open. As I got in the van, I realized the security door was ajar...which meant I hadn't closed or locked anything. Thankfully I realized it before I left. I doubt I would have remembered that once I drove away.

We got Miss Rose to school at 8am, drove Gracie to my mom's house and made it to work with a few minutes to spare. WHOO HOO!

I was tired by the end of the day though. LC was a bit out of sorts being at work with me. She's used to napping in her swing and driving in the car a lot. It's probably a good idea to continue these trial runs to get her accustomed to being at work with mama and sleeping there.

Let me just say also, moms that work 40 hours a week and have 3 or more kids are INSANE! Doing this three days a week seems doable to me. I feel like I might have a nervous breakdown if I had to do it five days a week. You do what you have to do, and you make it work though.

Coming soon: some photos from my homemade photo shoot with LC! I'm not sold on calling her LC for this blog, but a nickname hasn't come to me yet. I use the other girls' middle names here...but we also use those names for them in real life. But for now, I guess that's what I'll call her.