Final Installment: Lily Cate

To catch up, you may want to read these blogs first.

Gracie part 1, part 2, and part 3.

I was looking back in my blog posts to find a link to Lily's birth story. But I guess I never actually blogged the details of her birth. It's not like I wasn't busy you know, with the c-section recovery, pre-K, toddler and baby. Oh yeah, and throw in my job!

It's not nearly as long as Gracie's was...but here are the fun details.

If you've been following my blog you'll remember I blogged this in the morning of the day Lily was born. My labor had been stopped the night before and I was killing time before I could call my doctor to be seen.

I've realized, given my history of uterine rupture and how uncommon it is to experience a rupture and then a subsequent pregnancy, the doctor on call was nervous to make any decisions regarding delivering me. I was 36wks and 5days, just 2 days shy of the magic 37-week full-term number.

As soon as I spoke with my doctor's office, they said to come in just as soon as I could and be seen. Miss Rose and Gracie had stayed the night with their grandma, since we had been at the hospital so late. The next day was the day she normally watches them while I work, so she kept them for us again.

After hearing my story of the night before, my doctor said it sounded like I would deliver before my scheduled c-section date. She planned to let the hospital know that if I came in again in labor to call her (not the on-call doctor) and she'd come do my c-section without trying to stop my labor again. I felt better about this plan, but I was still nervous about the taxing my flawed uterus was getting.

Then it was internal exam time. Upon examining me, I was a very loose 2cm, and easily stretched to 3cm--even more progress since the night before and the head was very low. My doctor said "oh, you're not going to last. This baby is going to come. You're so close to 37, let's deliver you as soon as possible."

Now that was more like it! That's what I was wanting to hear and really put me at peace. They would call the hospital and find out when their was a slot and call me--she said it would be that day or the next. Bean and I did a few quick errands and were on our way to our old house to pick up the co-sleeper (remember, we had just moved 4 days prior), which was next to my work.

While en route I got the call to head to the hospital as soon as I was ready, as my c-section would be at 3pm. It was quite a whirlwind. I had NOTHING packed or prepared. The coming weekend, our first full weekend in the new house, was supposed to be "get ready for baby weekend."

And of course, we were scheduled to have our range delivered that afternoon. Bean initially asked his mom to remain at our house with the girls for the delivery (which killed her) because she loves being at the hospital when the babies arrive. A co-worker, who's also a babysitter of ours, offered to leave work and stay with the girls so his mom could come to the hospital.

We picked up the co-sleeper and headed to the hospital. We didn't even have our camera with us--so my mom brought hers.

When I arrived at the hospital and they began to prep me for surgery, I was already having contractions again, confirming that this delivery was inevitable. I had the most wonderful nurse who had three girls of similar ages (we didn't know yet our third girl was coming). She also had a history of c-sections and pregnancy complications. She told me I was getting the best anesthesiologist in her opinion, which I was excited about.

Everything went textbook. It was actually my best c-section. I had the fewest side effects (itching, nausea etc). The OR team put me at ease and conversated with me. We were very excited to meet our baby and both Bean and I were pretty certain it would be a girl. There were three names on our list--Addelyn, Camille and Lily. Bean told me right away he thought she looked like a Lily. And sure enough, the name was perfect for her.

Lily Cate weighed in at 6lbs, 5oz. Her big sisters were a respective 8lbs, 30z and 8lbs, 8oz--so she was a peanut compared to them. This girl was BORN crying. And she cried all through her exam, until she was brought to me. When they were wheeling me into recovery, I heard a baby crying and when Bean came to talk to me he confirmed that yes, it was our baby! Because the experience was so laid back Bean got some great photos (I'm sharing one at the end) and this was the only time he cut the umbilical cord. Things happened so fast with Gracie we didn't even have a camera in the OR.

Bean tormented our family and didn't tell them the gender of the baby at first. Once the baby was with me, he went out and shared the news with Miss Rose (who still wanted a brother) who then shared it with the rest of the family.

It was taking a long time me to be able to move my legs, but my recovery nurse knew how anxious we were for the girls to meet the baby, so she moved me to my room before I could move my legs. By then the girls were pretty tired and overstimulated, so their excitment wasn't quite what I might have dreamed of. After leaving my room, Miss Rose vomited, thanks to skittles and excitement before dinner!

After the trauma that surrounded Gracie's birth, it was a blessing to have such a drama-free and positive c-section experience. Even though it was a crazy time with just having moved and Miss Rose's birthday being two days prior, and not having bags packed or all the baby purchases made. But family and friends pitched in and we made it through.

In my eyes, they all are my miracle babies. Just knowing that I could get pregnant and have a baby was incredible to experience with Miss Rose. Knowing how close we could have come to losing Gracie, makes her a miracle. And then Lily--who surprised this planner of a mama, was in existance weeks before I knew it and decided her own entrance into the world.

I don't take for granted that I can have babies and even if I didn't have the deliveries I dreamed of, I am healthy and so were my babies.

It still amazes me.

Proof she was born crying! Check out this AMAZING photo Bean snapped.


Click on the photo if you want to enlarge it.
I've changed it to black and white to minimize the "gross" factor for those that don't appreciate photos of a surgery (yes, there is a gasket in my incision which they are pulling the baby from.)

And she lived (Gracie pt 3)

I left off here, as I was being rolled into the OR for a now emergency c-section.

Even writing this now, I feel nauseous and almost don't want to go on. But I will. It's good for me. And hopefully interesting and perhaps informative to those reading it. I'm beginning to think that it's been more than just a lack of time keeping me from blogging this.

Time for some writing therapy :)

Once I was in the OR, they quickly began to prep me for surgery. They upped my epidural so that I became completely numb. I was finally numb on my left side, which by then was quite a relief. I had a wonderful nurse who had been with me from the time I was admitted and even though her shift was over, she came with me to assist in the OR. I remember she was hooking me up to the monitors and began to call attention to the baby's numbers.

Baby was not looking so good. She told me that her heartrate was really low and all of the sudden the OR went into a complete flurry. More people descended upon me as the baby's stats continued to decline. I asked the nurse what was going on and if my baby was okay. She did her best to reassure me without making me any promises. I hear the word STAT several times and the dr say "let's get this baby out of her now." There were some minor preparations that hadn't been done yet, but the doctor no longer cared. The OB who had been caring for me was the on-call dr. that night. But all of the sudden I saw my OB, who I'd been seeing in the office. She'd come in to assist in my surgery.

In the midst of the flurry I kept asking the nurse if my husband was going to be able to come in. She affirmed that they would be bringing him in shortly. I heard nothing positive about the condition of my baby and everyone was frantic to get the baby out. I was beside myself. I was in tears, praying harder than I've ever prayed for my baby to be okay.

Then Bean was by my side. I sobbed out that something was wrong with the baby. At first he didn't realize the gravity of the situation. But as I explained more, he understood and we cried and prayed together.

C-sections happen pretty quickly, and this one happened even faster. They pulled the baby out and I think they even announced it was a girl (we didn't know the gender) as they took her to the infant table. It took a few minutes, but finally I heard her cry. She had required a lot of suction and some oxygen to stabilize her.

Bean went with the baby while they completed my surgery. Once surgery was complete, my doctor explained the situation. When they did the primary incision to get to my uterus, they found my uterus already completely open. Her words were that it "split in two like a piece of paper." They did not need to make any incision in my uterus and pulled the baby out of the opening. As they stitched my uterus up, they found that it has split right at the place of my first c-section scar.

Now you know I'm being real on my blog by posting this awful picture of myself! The only thing that mattered was that I was holding my baby. I'd been awake for over 24hrs, labored, pushed, had surgery and went through all that trauma. Apparently Gracie was sharing her opinion of it all too!


The baby is at most risk when a uterine rupture occurs. There is a loss of oxygen once the uterus opens. This explains why Gracie's heartrate began to fall and didn't recover while I was being prepped in the OR. Although it's hard to say, I suspect my uterus ruptured as they were transferring me to the OR, when I was feeling so much pain and pressure in spite of the epidural and wondering if the baby was going to be born before they even got the c-section started.

Uterine rupture is not very common. My doctors and nurses continued to talk to me about it during my stay in the hospital. Gracie never had to spend any time in the nursery and had no ill effects from the lack of oxygen she experienced.

While I had done my research and made an informed decision to try a VBAC based on the low rates of failure and low rates of rupture, I had not realized that the baby was in the most jeopardy when a rupture occurs. In search for more information and personal accounts after she was born, I found an online support group for women who had experienced a rupture. What broke my heart was how many of their baby's did not survive the rupture for a variety of reasons. They carried their babies for 9 months and never got to bring them home. Many of these women had prior c-sections. Some of them tried a VBAC, others just spontaneously ruptured.

Looking back on probably the scariest experience of my life, I can't help but see the hand of God. On me, on Gracie, on my doctors and nurses.

The next day, looking more put together!


Like I shared, I covered this all in so much prayer leading up to my due date. I prayed for wisdom for myself and Bean and all involved. I so desperately wanted to try to have a vaginal delivery, and on paper I was a good candidate. But I didn't want to be stubborn when it came to my safety and the safety of my baby.

I know God was involved in prompting the doctor to recommend a c-section when he did. And of course he had prepared me to say "yes" when that moment came. It was God who protected Gracie when she didn't have enough oxygen and spared us a most horrific outcome. God was all over it.

Sweet Gracie


Looking back, it may sound odd, but I don't regret my choices. I made the mot informed decision I could. I had a new OB with Lily and without me even asking, upon hearing my history she told me that I had been a good candidate for a VBAC and it was good I tried when I did. Sometimes, in spite of ourselves, God grants our petty wishes. I relish the memories of feeling those first "real" contractions, the gush of water, the labor and even the pushing. Me, the girl who would have had drug-free deliveries if possible, who ended up with 3 c-sections.

Even while recovering from Gracie's delivery, my OB assured me that I could have more babies, I would just be closely monitored and be delivered early. Gracie was 8lbs and 8oz! I looked back at a birth story I typed out and saw that the doctor said I had some "prominent pelvic bones" which combined with the baby's size were making for a difficult delivery. The hours of labor, the pushing, the big baby, just stretched my uterus beyond it's capacity. Some ruptures tear up the sides of the uterus, I was lucky I only tore at my previous scar.

That's why, I was so surprised to find myself pregnant again just a year after this traumatic delivery. I had wanted to give my body a bit longer to recover. I definitely experienced my share of anxiety and fear during my post-rupture pregnancy. But I knew I was in God's hands, as was my baby.

That's why, when I began to feel contractions at 36wks, I quickly made my way to the hospital. And that's why the doctor on call didn't want to touch me with a ten-foot pole. I guess they don't often see post-rupture pregnancies. They wanted me to consult with my dr, which is why they tried so hard to stop my labor that night. (God blessed me with a nurse who prepped my for my c-section who'd had 3 c-sections herself with various complications. It was so nice to know I wasn't the only one who took a few risks to have a baby!)

That's why I was SO relieved when my OB decided to deliver me the next day. I was petrified of experiencing another rupture. She said my uterus was in pretty good condition considering my history. It was just slightly thin, but holding up well. I'm sure it helped that little Lily was just 6lbs, a lot less for my scarred uterus to support!

So, this is the end of the world's longest birth story! I am SO blessed that she lived. That my little Gracie is here, to make me laugh and hug my neck. I pray for those mama's who's babies were born straight to heaven. I can't even imagine.

As you can tell, it's still pretty overwhelming for me to think about. The feelings will probably never go away. I do try to share my story whenever I can to inform and encourage and provide a rare perspective.

Although Bean teases me sometimes about wishing I lived on a farm or the little house on the prairie, I'm glad I don't and I'm thankful for good health insurance and medical care.

And I'm thankful for an AMAZING God who is so close and leads us and guides us and protects us. He is the key factor in everything.


I can't imagine life without my Gracie-girl.


Lily's birth story (my post-uterine rupture baby)

Not meshing (Gracie part 2)

Make sure you've read part 1 first.

So we headed to the hospital around 7 or 7:30, to be joined by my mom later, who I had asked to help coach me. My mom delivered four children (between 7 and 9lbs) without any medication or intervention--and three of them were home births attended by a doctor or midwife. I knew she would be a huge help.

Because my water had broken, the contractions were getting painful. Of course, as all first-laboring moms do, I thought I must be progressing quickly. I think I was just dilated to 2cm when they first checked me. I began to doubt my ability to cope without an epidural, especially since there was little chance of me actually walking or being on my feet because they required constant monitoring due to my previous c-section.

I did end up getting that epidural. I just felt like it was not the time for heroics. Had I been able to labor out of the bed, I may have been able to cope without it. The few contractions I experienced while changing or using the bathroom were much more bearable, then the ones experienced tied to the bed.

And yes, that epidural was delightful. Except for the fact that it didn't take completely on my left side. Most of the pain was alleviated however, so I was still thankful. Later in the night as my labor intensified, so did the pain on my left side. It meant that there was no napping in between contractions, just active resting.

Around 5am I started feeling a lot of pressure, and sure enough I was completely dilated. It was a small victory for me, to have labored in the bed, with an epidural and dilated without any pitocin or other form of induction. I was proud of my body and what it accomplished.

Shortly after I was checked, the pushing began. And I pushed and pushed. It helped some that my left side wasn't completely numb because I knew when the contractions were coming and could feel the effects of pushing. At some point a mirror was brought in and it was amazing to see the small portion of my baby's head trying to make it's way out.

After about an hour, not much progress had been made. The doctor suggested I rest a bit and labor down. So I did. And then I pushed again. With all my heart. But still, not much progress was made. At one point I even asked Bean to get firm with me while counting as I pushed so that I would get fired up and have more energy to push.

Another hour of pushing passed, and the doctor came in again. Although the baby had descended much more, she wasn't much closer to actually coming out. The dr. did a rather thorough (read, up to his elbow practically) exam of my pelvis and the positioning of the baby. After his exam, he felt that everything just wasn't meshing well. I was pretty delirious by then after being awake almost 24hrs and laboring and pushing, so my memory is pretty fuzzy. I doubt he said things weren't meshing, but that's what I took from his explaination of my pelvic structure, baby's head and positioning.

The doctor decided to try the vacuum. The delivery team descended upon the room and it felt like we were about to meet our (gender yet unknown) second baby. After a few tries with the vacuum, the baby still wasn't coming. At that point, the dr. said that he felt we were at the point of another c-section. After pushing so long with no significant progress, and with my history, he wasn't comfortable with me continuing to try for a vaginal delivery.

Although I was emotional about it, I trusted him. Through my whole pregnancy I prayed for God's wisdom. I prayed for a good doctor. So when he gave his recommendation, I agreed. It was time to move to the operating room.

As they were rolling me out of the delivery room, towards the operating room, I remember feeling intense pressure and pain, especially on that left side, where the epidural didn't fully take. I thought, maybe the baby is closer than they think. What if the baby just starts to come out as they move my bed, or while they prepare me for surgery?

Bean was whisked off to change into his surgical scrubs and would be escorted into the OR right before my c-section would begin, as is the usual procedure at our hospital.

**well, I intended this to be a two-part series, but I think it's going to be three. Recounting all the details seems to be cathartic, so I'll just roll with it. More tomorrow.

And she lived (gracie part 3)

I had to try (gracie part 1)

Back in January, I shared Miss Rose's birth story with you in honor of her birthday on January 26. I had planned to share Gracie's birth story shortly after to lead up to the birth story of #3. I started this post, but never completed it. When I went back to find it, I found that I started it around 8am, the morning of January 28. I must have decided to kill some time before my doctor's appointment that day, following my stopped labor the night before. Once I left for the doctor that morning, I didn't come home for three days because Lily was born that afternoon!

In the fullness of life adjusting to our three-ring circus, I've never gone back to finish it, until now. I think I'll always love reading birth stories, so I hope you enjoy this one. It's long...so I'm doing it in two installments.

Here's Miss Rose's Story.

I always knew I didn't want my children too far apart. My brother and I are 18 months apart and before having children 18-24 months seemed like a great spread! But my mom was able to stay home full-time with us, and I am a working mom. When Miss Rose was 9 months old, I realized I'd have to get pregnant to have an 18-month spread--and that thought was absolutely crazy! If I was a stay at home mom, it would have been a different story.

When Miss Rose was around 2 we (I!) started planning our second child. I finally got Bean on board. He thought "one and done" was great. Typical man! When Miss Rose was 2.5 we got pregnant in our second month of trying. This pregnancy was definately different. I was pretty sick the first trimester.

I spent a lot of time reading and researching vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC). I was still disappointed that I had needed a c-section with Miss Rose because she was breech. I felt that I was a pretty good candidate for a VBAC as my c-section had not been related to problems with labor. I even switched doctors at 30-weeks in favor of a doctor who was more supportive of VBAC's and gave me better care.


One of the main risks of a VBAC is uterine rupture, where the uterus opens up at the point of the previous scar and can even tear beyond that. Initially, this situation is more dangerous for the baby than the mom. But most research I found said that if you went into labor on your own, the chances of this happening were 1%.

Going into this, I knew that I could not be induced, would not have my labor augmented and would require constant monitoring. The biggest factor in my deciding to try a VBAC was my faith in God. I knew there were risks involved, but I trusted God to lead me (and Bean) in our decisions. I trusted God to lead our doctor and nursing staff when the time came. And I determined to not be stubborn and trust the medical staff as well. Sure I wanted a vaginal delivery, but more importantly I wanted a healthy baby.


Because going into labor on my own was crucial to trying a VBAC, I did as much as I could to encourage my body. Starting around 37 weeks, I walked and bounced on an exercise ball, I got on my hands and knees and cleand floors, I did squats and lunges and I used Evening Primrose Oil. I did not try castor oil however!


I worked up until my due date, since I mostly sit at a desk. I had all my responsibilities covered though, as I waited for the baby to come. On my due date, April 4, 2007, I wasn't feeling very energetic and I decided to stay home. It was a Wednesday and at that point I was overseeing our Junior High Ministry and it was youth group night. Early in the day I thought I'd rest and go to youth group that night. In the afternoon though, I wasn't feeling great so I decided to stay home.

My sister-in-law was over for dinner that night and we were also sharing a house with my parents, so there were lots of people around. I remember while I was visiting with my sister-in-law that I was having a few contractions that caused me to catch my breath. She actually noticed and mentioned it to me, even though I was trying to minimize it--not wanting to get my hopes up.


I wasn't too hungry and the emptying of my bowels had begun. I decided to lay down in bed while the family ate dinner. Bean came in to check on me sometime after 6. I had a strong contraction just then, accompanied by a pinching feeling in my lady parts. Then a popping feeling and a small gush. I told Bean- "I think my water broke" and he froze.

I had to coach him to help me get out of the bed and get towels because as soon as I stood up, Niagra Falls proceeded to flow from me. He helped me to the bathroom, where the flow continued. Of course the house became frenetic as he quietly announced what was going on. We didn't want to alarm Miss Rose who was just over three years old. My contractions picked up in intensity and frequency.

Bean made a few necessary phone calls, including to the youth pastor I worked with, even though it was the middle of youth group. He happened to be making some announcements to the students and when he saw Bean was calling, decided to take the call. So all the students found out that our baby was on it's way!

Our good friend and my co-worker would come pick Miss Rose up a short time after we left. As we were leaving Bean ran into the house to grab an extra towel. When Miss Rose asked him what it was for he said "mama has a little juice coming out of her." While at our friend's house, Miss Rose decided to tell her 18-year-old son's friends that "my mama had juice coming out of her." Definately a story for the baby book!


And so we were off to the hospital....

Stay tuned.

Not meshing (gracie part 2)

The Story of Miss Rose

Miss Rose is 5 today! It's incredible to think that I've been a mother for 5 years now. That my first precious baby is 5. 5 seems like a big deal. No longer a toddler, not even a preschooler. But soon to be a kindergartener. An elementary school student.

I thought it would be fun (for me and hopefully for you too) if I recount the story of Miss Rose in celebration of her birthday.

Bean and I got married in the fall of 2001. I've always loved kids and couldn't wait to be a mom. I've always said (and my friends will vouch for its truth) that if I didn't have strong morals in high school, I probably would have gotten pregnant just to have a baby! I definately wanted to enjoy marriage with Bean, but also looked forward to becoming a mom.

In the spring of 2003 I ditched the birth control pills! We avoided pregnancy for a few months to get my body back on track and then Miss Rose was concieved the first month we "tried." I felt very blessed to concieve so easily. It took a few days for a pregnancy test to turn up positive. I was baffled that my cycle hadn't started but the test was negative. I do remember digging a test out of the trash and seeing a second line on it--but it was well past the timeframe, so I discounted it.

Finally a test came up positive in the right timeframe and I was ecstatic! Bean was scared...but excited. He also went out and bought the most expensive name brand pregnancy test he could find just to "confirm" as he didn't know if he could believe my generic test. I had a small amount of bleeding that gave us a scare early on, but an ultrasound confirmed we had a healthy baby!

I had a great pregnancy. I was fat and happy!! I would have loved to keep the baby's gender a surprise, but Bean convinced me we should find out as it was our first. We lived in a one-bedroom condo and planned to stay there with the baby until we absolutely needed to make a change. I was in grad school at the time working on my master's degree and also being a part-time associate youth pastor.

Probably the most difficult part of my pregnancy came when I was let go from my job at the church while 7 months pregnant due to a change in leadership. My belly was rather round by then, so I felt very un-employable. Thankfully God provided and I worked for a friend's daycare until shortly before birth.

At my 36-week appointment I asked my doctor to confirm that the baby was in the right position. Within seconds, she announced that my baby was quite breech. My mom had 4 drug-free births, 3 of which were at home, and I had been planning on a drug-free hospital birth. Well, Miss Rose's stubborness and large size threw a wrench into that plan. We chose to wait and see if she would turn on her own, but she never did.

I had a scheduled c-section on January 26, 2004, about 4 days before my due date. We were nervous and excited. Although I disliked having surgery--and the medications made me sleepy, nauseous and I vomited twice after she was born--Miss Rose's birth was amazing. It was surreal to look over and see her moments after birth and realize that she had been growing in my belly. She was 8lbs and 3oz---a lot of baby for a woman who is 5'4", which must be one of the reasons why she was breech.

I think we had over 20 visitors the first day in the hospital. Everyone knew we had been scheduled and they were all so excited for us and wanted to meet the baby. It was special, and tiring!

Becoming a mom for the very first time was incredible. It was everything I thought it would be and more. I have such fond memories of those first months together.

The first 5 years have been amazing, challenging and always full of surprises. I love my firstborn daughter so much, even when she challenges me. She will always be my first baby, and that is a special place in a mom's heart. (although each of my children have a special place like that, they just have different labels!)

By the way... I scheduled this to post the exact time Miss Rose was born, 5 years ago today!

A little collage of the early days and years of Miss Rose!