pardon my absence...

First of all, summer is kicking my butt!  The kids have so much energy and are constantly wanting to do something new or different.  And Lily at 2 and a half wants to do whatever her big sisters are doing.  And she needs supervision most of the time.

My kids are also eating a TON!  We send snacks and lunch to Grandma's house and today they ate all the food we sent, plus a bunch of her food.  And they are only 7, 4 and 2.  And they are girls.  I can't imagine if they were boys, who typically are said to eat more.  I'm going to try a few recipes this weekend for homemade energy bits and fiber bars.

Secondly, Bean and I are doing Insanity.  Today was Day 9.  Of 63.  There's one rest day per week, and one day of Yoga, but it's pretty intense.  Insane if you will.  Most days we workout right after work, before dinner.  In the backyard with the laptop because the fresh air (even though it's hot) and the space is much nicer than our small, stuffy living room.

These workouts kill me.  In a good way.  But still, they kill me.  By the time we get through dinner and getting the kids to bed, I am toast--physically and mentally.  My brain power for blogging is mush.

Thirdly, I have a new blog in the works!  Like with my own url and everything.  Which is connected to the mush in my brain right now.  The design is there, thanks to my friend Liz.  But I still have a lot to do on my end.  But, the mush.

My goal is to launch it by August 1st. But in the meantime, when I do have brainpower, I'm going to put it towards the new blog.

So, there is a reason behind my absence.  But you can always find me here and a little bit here too.

this is not a year in review

It seems like everyone in the blogosphere is doing a "year in review" or "resolutions" post today.  I wasn't planning on posting anything today.  But I'm waiting for a sugar/water mixture to turn amber, to complete Salted Caramel Brownies.  So I guess I might as well share a couple quick things.

I don't really have any strong sentiments about 2010, which I guess is good and bad.  It was a year.  It had it's ups and downs.  A lot of challenges,  through which I tried to learn to rejoice and give thanks and count all things joy.

I quit making resolutions a few years ago.  Because I never fully keep them.  I usually have new goals and intentions.  This year is no different, but I won't bore you with them tonight.

What does matter to me, more than anything is family.  My husband, my girls and our extended family.

This was our 3rd Annual New Year's Eve trip to our favorite ice cream shop.  The first time we went, I was very large with child and we were in the midst of renovating our house so we could actually move in.  I really hope this is a tradition that lives on.  When our girls are teenagers and want to hang out with their friends, I hope they love this enough to come with us and then get on with their plans.

(my niece)

Happy New Year's everyone!

costumes & photos!

I know that today was Halloween, but really--for us, it's a time the kids dress up in costumes and get candy!  I avoid all the scary, ghoulish stuff as much as possible.  Although, thanks to school influence Miss Rose did request a few "scary" costumes, but I told her those weren't options.

I seem to always put off sharing photos and events--which means it never happens.  So, I'm disciplining myself to share!

If I had Photoshop and the time

I would take Miss Rose from this photo...

And Gracie from this photo...

With Lily from this one...

 

And we'd have a super cute picture of our three little beans.  But I think all the pictures are pretty cute anyways, and capture different elements of our children.

In case you need clarification, Miss Rose is Jessie from Toy Story.  I did not get the memo to purchase costumes prior to October that most other parents got.  So in early October when we went to find a costume--they were completely out.  In stores and online.  So we settled for Woody (and got the last costume in her size in the store) and a pink Cowboy hat.

I was pretty happy this year that I already had Lily's costume and Gracie's was $3 at a yard sale and we already had the shoes (which were hand me downs).  I bought Lily's costume for her last year, but it runs huge and just fit her this year.

Speaking of Lily.  She really should have been a model for this costume.  I mean, does it get any cuter than this?

 You can't quite tell, but the tights are green and purple striped with a flower on the side.  There are also matching slippers, but we didn't want to ruin them walking outside.  Seriously adorable.

Gracie was in heaven riding this pony.  She had to do it again before the night was over.

Of course Miss Rose looked quite the part as the cowgirl.

Again, no such thing as a perfect picture with 6 kids age 6 and under.  (only the biggest cousin missing in this photo of one side of the family)

And finally, a photo taken by a friend.

It was a fun night and I love my family!

groundhog minute

It was one of those days.  Nothing particularly wrong with it.  No big catastrophe or incident.

Just one of those days that something small happens..and then something else...and then something else. Kids not listening, baby crying, kids being feisty, mama being weary, daddy longing for a day of football from the couch.  You know.

My sister-in-law put a status on Facebook the other day about every day feeling like Groundhog Day.  When you are a mom of young kids--it definitely does.  Some days, I think it's more like Groundhog Minute.

As in, how many times do I need to tell Lily to sit down in the bath?  Cause I do it once a minute.

And how many times do I need to tell Gracie to sit up in the bath instead of laying down, taking up all the space and basically sprawling her ladyparts right in front of Lily.  Yes, I went there.  Or telling her to quit sticking her booty in the air, shaking it at Lily and laughing because Lily was slapping it.  Yes, it happened.  Tonight.

I told Miss Rose to go get her jammies on after her shower.  5 minutes later she comes sliding in to the bathroom (I'm sure I was in the midst of saying one of the above things) in her underware, a terrycloth headband on her head and large thick black glasses frames.  Kinda like when Kramer is an underwear model on Seinfeld.

Sure it was funny, and I laughed.  But then she went off---not in the direction of her room--where her jammies were.  And when I called out, she got annoyed with me.  And claimed she didn't remember what she was supposed to be doing.  REALLY!?  FOR THE LOVE.

Oh, did I mention how Lily peed on the floor and then slipped in it and fell, in the 45 seconds it took me to throw her poopy diaper away?  She was going in the bath next, and usually a minute or two of nakedness doesn't have a catastrophic end.

And then...and then...and then.

Thankfully, we had the kids bathed--and then did a whole house clean up--and all the oral hygiene routines completed.  Speaking of oral hygiene routines...it's a serious production around here.  Making sure there is 2 full minutes of brushing, and the flossing and the flouride rinse.  We recently gained a second functional bathroom, which makes these routines much easier.  Because Gracie stands on a stool, while Lily tries to climb on it as well.  So the fact that Miss Rose can do her stuff in the other bathroom is amazing.

I'm really glad we are starting the week off with a relatively clean home (even the shoe basket is emptied!) and the kids laundry is clean.

We ended the night with Miss Rose reading to Bean while I played babies with Gracie.  (I was "Abuela" from Dora).  Lily flits back and forth between us.

It was a good ending to the day.

my kind of saturday

We had to wake up, and get up early this morning.  Usually on Saturdays, even if the kids wake up we sometimes send them back to their room, where they snuggle and talk in the same bed, or we snuggle in our bed, just to get a few extra minutes. 

Lately though, there's been no sleeping in on Saturdays.  Miss Rose has t-ball games at 8am almost every Saturday.  On the one hand, it's nice to get the game out of the way early in the day, but it also makes for a long day!

So we were up and at 'em early, out of the house at 7:30am.  I had three kids in our Saturn as Bean was dropping the van off for servicing.  Let's just say, I am VERY thankful for our minivan.  We thought there was a courtesy shuttle that would bring Bean to the field.  Not on Saturdays though!  Luckily my sister (who's visiting this weekend) saved the day, even though she wasn't planning to get up early and go to the game.

Miss Rose had a great hit her last at bat and got the game ball.  Which of course is a huge deal when you are 6.  Since my niece is also on the same team, there is always a lot of family at the games--and we enjoy hanging out.

After the game, my sister and I headed to our local (man-made) lake for a run.  I used to run there all the time.  But since having a third child, and now living in a neighborhood I can run in, I don't go as often.  But I need to.  It's so nice to run on the wide path and not have to worry about curbs and cars and crossing streets and turning corners.  I think I run a bit faster while there.

When we got home, Bean was finishing up some yardwork.  My neighbor came over to tell us about a yard sale a few blocks away with cheap, old ecclectic stuff.  I was sweaty and smelly, but headed over anyways with the kids.  I scored a small teapot, a cool small aqua bowl, a few odds&ends for Miss Rose and a chaise lounge with pad for: $5.  When I said cheap, I meant cheap!  Usually stuff in our neighborhood is a bit more. 

My mom also came with us and they gave her a microwave, not sure if it worked or not.  I lugged the microwave home for her.  Then headed back for the lounge chair.  And yes, I lugged the whole chair a few blocks home.  It really wasn't too heavy, just awkward.

I supposed I could have tried to get it with a car, but it would have been the same amount of trouble as walking home with it.  I am sure I was quite a site.  Bean laughed (and didn't offer to help) when he saw me nearing our home.  But come on, for $2, it's worth it!  Now I can lounge outside in the sun or read or watch the kids play.

My sister-in-law had arrived with her two kids in the midst of all the rukous.  There was lots of commotion.

And I still smelled.  Maybe that's why I got the stuff for so cheap.  They just wanted me out of their yard!

Finally things calmed down and after giving the little girls lunch, I got a shower. 

This is my kind of Saturday.  Family, craziness, running, carrying chaise lounge chairs two blocks and enjoying our great weather and neighborhood.

Bean is going to use a new charcoal grill for the first time tonight.  A friend was supposed to be coming for dinner, but had to cancel.  But we'll go ahead and enjoy the tri-tip without her!  And maybe we'll even roast some marshmellows on the charcoal.

I hope you're having a great Saturday as well.

tired and blessed

I am one tired mama. This is one of our marathon weekends.  As much as I try to avoid having a lot going on in a weekend, sometimes it can't be helped.  I'm really working on my attitude and frame of mind about life.  Focusing on some of the thoughts I shared here.  This is the life God has blessed me with, and it is what I make it.

I spent a lot of time last night and this morning cleaning in preparation for Gracie's birthday party.  But that means I have a home, which we actually own.  It means we have plenty of toys, clothes and other belongings to get strewn about our home.

We went to our church Easter Egg hunt, at a local middle school.  I am thankful to be a part of a church that enjoys blessing our community.  We gave away a bike (which my nephew happened to win!), a playstation, ipods and more.  

Shortly after arriving home, it was time for Miss Gracie's 3rd birthday party, about which she was so excited.  I scurried to make the final preparations at home while Bean picked up pizza.  What a blessing to have enough money to have our large family over and feed them lunch. 

After the party (which was a huge hit and will get a post of it's own in the future) and clean-up, kids were down for naps and my sister and I escaped on a spur of the moment shopping trip.  With my sisters help, I actually got a few clothing items, that are in style, that are right for my body, and that fit.  Again, a blessing to have been able to find a little extra money in the budget for clothes.  And a sister that I enjoy spending time with.  

Once dinner was eaten, children were bathed and put to bed, it was time to turn to tomorrow.  I ironed dresses and skirts.  So far, Miss Rose is agreeing to wear a skirt and shirt--approved by her--for Easter.  I certainly hope my practical-dressing, tomboy daughter keeps that courage!!  What a blessing to have three beautiful daughters.  Watching friends go through struggles with infertility, gives new perspective on children.  I am blessed and amazed that I have three daughters to dress for Easter tomorrow.

And then it was assembling Easter baskets.  But it's not about the baskets or the candy or little gifts.  It's about the Savior.  It's about his gift.  I want to teach my children that Easter isn't about new clothes and candy.  It's about new life and the sweetness life with Christ brings. 

So yes, I'm tired.  But I am so, so blessed.

right now

Right now

It's a wet morning outside.  The sun might be coming out, or it might give way again to more rain

It's cool inside the house and I'm curled up in a blanket

Right now

My 6yr old is playing school in the kitchen

She's cutting things up, instructing her class in the same way her kindergarten teacher instructs her

She's wearing her jammies, and a Santa Claus apron

Right now

My 3yr old is playing inside a cupboard

The baby is trying to play with her too

There are long necklaces involved (I'm keeping a close watch) 

And words like "yee-haw" and "lasso"

These two, are becoming fast friends and playmates

Right now

We're having a jammie morning

The baby's diaper soaked her jammies this morning, 

So I just put her in another pair of jammies

Why get dressed when you don't have to?

Even kids need a down morning

To play and be kids

And mama's need a down morning

To watch the children play in their natural environment

Right now

All is right in our little world (although we'd like Daddy here too)

13:: I almost forgot

I'm getting ready to go to bed.  It's 8:30pm, but with the time change tonight, it's really 9:30pm.  I almost forgot that I needed to write a blog.

I'm tired.  It's been a full, long day.

Miss Rose had a t-ball game at 8:00am.  I was up before 6am with the baby, which is par for the course these days.  Usually on Saturdays we have slow mornings, even though the kids don't sleep in.  Not for the next few months though.  Most of the Saturday games are at 8:00am or 8:30am.

Then I dropped off Miss Rose for a birthday party.  She's getting to the age of "drop-off parties" which are a pretty big deal in her world.  This one was for a cousin, so I didn't have to worry at all.

Then we went to an adoption event for rescued labs.  No we didn't leave with a dog.  But don't be surprised if we have one before long.  Miss Rose thinks when your fish die, you get a dog.  I guess Mama and Daddy think when you decide not to have more children, it's time to get a dog.  (and no, we aren't getting a puppy.  If Bean wanted a puppy, I would have said let's just have a baby.  In fact, I think I may have.  So we aren't getting a puppy.

Then we came home.  I spent 15 minutes cleaning sticky goo off the inside of the dryer.  I have no idea what it was.  Then I sat for a few minutes.

Then I got ready for a bridal shower.  As I was driving, I fogot I was supposed to get a gift on the way.  So I was five minutes away and had to turn around and go to Target.  If I could change one minor habit in my life, it would be waiting until the last minute to get a gift (or a gift card in this case).

Then Bean texted me, "are you coming home yet?  It would be nice."

Did I mention Bean is recovering from his procedure?  He's a terrible patient.  He doesn't feel awful, but he still needs to be careful.  Let's just say, he did way more today than he would have let me, were the roles reversed.  And I will say, I got a small taste of his go-go-go mentality, and I don't know how he does it.  He likes to be on the go.  I like to be home, minding children.

Then I walked to the store wearing Lily.  Baby food was on sale, so I loaded up.  But I didn't have enough money for my purchases.  So I had to choose what to take off the bill.  Feels a bit humiliating, but I know it happens all the time.  "Um, how about the yogurt?  I guess the walnuts too."

Then I made banana bread while Bean grilled chicken.  I'm hoping semi-healthy banana bread doesn't qualify as a sugary treat.  Cause I ate some.

Then we ate dinner.  Next it was bath time for the little girls.  And Lily decided to do a face plant in the bath, which freaked me out. 

Then we got the kids in bed.  And I finished the dishes (which I had to chase Bean away from).  And now I'm unwinding a bit. 

Perhaps you can see why I almost forgot to blog.

12::v-day (2)

We are all made up of a heart and a mind.  Often, these two are in conflict.  Sometimes you choose with your heart, because you can't live with yourself if you don't take a chance.  Other times you know you have to go with your head and make the wise, responsible choice.  And sometimes, you have to figure out how to combine the two.

My mind knows that making a conscious effort to end our babymaking days is right.  Making babies is something we seem to be good at.  I'm not interested in being on a contraceptive pill for years on end.  And with our current insurance that's the only affordable birth control for me.  Although we are using another form of birth control, it’s open to operator error.  I’m tired of wondering each month if I got pregnant “on accident.”

Why do I want a fourth baby?  I have these visions of the “perfect” new baby scenario.  A wonderful pregnancy in which I take the professional maternity photos I never did with my three.  A scenario in which I am a homemaker and have the time to prepare a special, personalized nursery for the little one.  Everything is checked off on the “to do before baby list” before the baby comes.  I don’t have to worry about pumping or storing milk.  I spend my days wearing my baby and nurturing my four children and making a lovely home for my husband.

Fantasy my friends, pure fantasy.  I do realize this.  I’ve read too many books and seen too many romantic movies!  My little scenario doesn’t often happen in real life because, well, life happens.  I do love each story that surrounds the birth of my three children.  Because it was real life.  Yet still…my mind wanders. 

I get baby envy and belly envy.  I think pregnant bellies and newborn babies have been stalking me lately!  I sometimes have stay-at-home mom envy.  I don’t expect that to go away quickly or easily.  I am in awe of those who easily add fourth, fifth and even sixth children to their families and it isn’t a financial strain to them.  Secretly, I wish we had that faith and freedom.  I wonder why, when I would be so thrilled with one more child, God didn’t orchestrate that, like he orchestrated Lily. But each one can only make the decision that is right for their family, and trust God for his direction of their family.

Part of the issue of my heart is that I love this stage of life I'm in right now.   It’s what I waited my whole life for, being surrounded by little ones that love me and need me.  I expect that as my children grow and we move out of the "baby phase" I will not long for it so much and will get excited about the new phases we move into.

However, there are many benefits to being done having babies.  I can actually get my body back, and keep it!  I haven't had a decent wardrobe in about 4 years because I've either been pregnant or losing pregnancy weight.  Perhaps Bean and I will get to go away together for a night, come our anniversary in October.

The reality is, I feel that it would be selfish of me to push for a fourth child.  I know how much Bean loves me, and when I actually ask for something, he has a very difficult time refusing me.  I know, that I could probably wear him down.  But that would be taking advantage of his love for me.

Bean loves his family with a vengeance, but the last several years have been devoted to my dreams and goals of family and children.   Bean is a wonderful partner in life and he is extremely active and involved in the day-to-day managing of the house and children.  I can't complain that he doesn't help or contribute, like some wives do because he goes non-stop most days.

But I want him to get to focus on his goals and dreams next.  Another baby would just prolong those things.  He's given me the fulfillment of my dream of being a mom with at least three kids, and now I want to help him fulfill his dreams.

Why not focus on what God’s given me?  Why not lavish all my love on these three, without pining for this non-existent fourth?  Why not concentrate on all we will be able to give these three?  It’s something I’m working on.

No matter what the fleshly desires of my heart, I strongly believe that this moment, this life, is what God intended for me.  I abide by Psalm 16:6 that says, "the boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places."  Meaning the life I have, is the life God intended for me, and I need to focus on the pleasantness of what he has blessed me with.  It is sinful for me to always look at everyone else and pick what part of their life I would like to have.  God didn’t intend that life for me, he intended this life for me.  And it’s a good one.

Being a working mom is a financial necessity and also a fulfillment of God’s call on my life.  I may not always fulfill my call in that way, but for the foreseeable future, that’s what I’m called to.  I barely make it most weeks with three children and my job.  It would be selfish of me to add another child, just because I want one, and take a part of me away from my husband, my three girls and my job.

I trust God infinitely with my life; with our family's life.  This is something we've sought God on, and feel peace about.  My emotions are attached to not having more children, not the vasectomy.  And I don’t see us having more children, vasectomy or not.  Just because you determine something is the right decision, doesn't necessarily make it easy to make or accept.

I know that God's ways are higher than ours and if we live seeking Him and submitting to His will, he will direct our paths.  And, if for some reason God does desire us to have more children, he will orchestrate it in his way.  Vasectomies have been known to "fail" and there are many babies and children already in the world who need families.

My heart is full with my husband and my three beautiful children.  I am complete.  However, I can’t help but wonder what God’s purpose is, for this desire of my heart.  I know we made the right decision, but I still feel like the story isn’t over.

10:: v-day (1)

I've been mulling ove this topic for weeks, maybe even months now.  Thinking about what I would share.  Working through it all in my head.

Whew. I think I'm ready.

So, v-day is almost upon us.  Our official baby-making days will soon be over.

If you've been following my blog for a while, you may have picked up that this is a bit difficult for me.  I love babies.  I love feeling a baby move inside my belly.  I am a rare person who loves those first few months of the tiny, squalling, even colicky baby.  Don't get me wrong.  I get tired and frustrated like everyone else, but yet I love every moment.  I had a hard time saying Lily was my last baby.  I still do at times.

I always imagined myself with four children.  Maybe its because I'm one of four children and I really enjoyed our family size.  Maybe its because being a mom is my favorite thing in the world (besides marrying Bean of course).  Maybe I want four children because I'm crazy.

Bean was open to stopping at just one child after we had Miss Rose.  But he agreed that giving Miss Rose a sibling was important.  We had some long talks about having a third child.  It was extremely hard for me to reconcile with having two children.  Bean, being the wonderful man that he is, concluded that I would always regret not having a third child (which was correct), while he would love that child from the moment it was conceived. 

Not long after this conversation, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with our third child!  Even though we were planning on a third child, the timing wasn't what we would have planned with our second just being one year old and some job insecurity at the time along with buying our first house.  We had a few tense conversations coming to terms with our new reality.

Lily is such a wonderful addition to our family.  Miss Rose and Gracie love her.  The covet her attention and her smiles.  She gets so excited to see them and interact with them.  She's my sweet baby.  A mama's girl.  She loves to be worn and wants to be held all the time.  I can't imagine life without her.  And in many ways, she does complete our family.

Yet I still have this crazy desire for a fourth child.  It's lunacy, I know.  I already have a hard time working and mothering three children.  My house is rarely organized or picked up.  There is always something that needs to be done.  I'm on the verge of a mental or emotional breakdown a few times a month.  Evenings are crazy in our house.  Miss Rose turns goofy, Gracie is hyper and Lily wants to be held.

And still I would add another child to that mix.  (Yes Bean, really I would.  I know he's reading this right now thinking--you can't be serious.  But I am.

But Bean, he's done.  There is no way he can fathom another child.  And I understand that.  In my head, it makes sense.  We live in a sub-1100 square foot home.  Two working parents and four small children sounds rather unmanagable.  We aren't those working parents who have lots of money for nannies and housecleaners.  We rely on family for childcare (and they are wonderful) and clean our own home.

It makes sense.  It's the right choice.  We have a wonderful family and three beautiful daughters.  Me, the mom who loves children, I'm at minivan status.  I have more children than "average".  It's responsible.

This, this is my head speaking.

Tomorrow, I'll share more from my heart.

birthday girls

Where has the year gone?

How has this little newborn...

Grown into this bubbly baby girl?

I mean, she is still quite a baby.  And will be for several more months.  Especially since she still hasn't decided to crawl.  I'm definitely not ready to leave the baby-raising years yet.

But it's still hard to believe that it was just one year ago that she was born.

Our sweet surprise.  A desired child, who came at an unexpected time.

Although I am a planner, the baby-lover in me always thought it would be special to unexpectedly concieve.  And sure enough, I did!  Not only did I unexpectedly concieve, but I also was a full 4 weeks more pregnant than I thought when I had my first ultrasound.

Lily has brought so much joy to our family.  How could a baby not?  I love seeing Miss Rose interact with her in a nurturing manner.  It shows me how "grown-up" Miss Rose is.  Gracie loves her baby sister so much.  The first thing she says to me when I get home from work is "there's your Lily."  I can tell in the next few months as Lily learns to play with others, she and Gracie will become fast best friends.  In another year or so, I fully anticipate these little girls sharing a room and giggling together at night as they go to sleep.

Lily may not crawl yet, but she has acquired other talents.  She plays peek-a-boo both with a blanket and also with her hands.  Much of the time her hands are to the side of her eyes, but she knows what she's doing.  Her first official word is "hi."  Lily loves to greet people with an outstretched hand, a "hi" and a smile.  She also loves to talk on the phone.  Anytime she sees the phone she says "hi" over and over again.  If I touch her nose with one finger, she'll reach out with one finger for my nose. 

We had a small celebration at a park playdate for Lily, cousin G who turns 2 on Monday and another 1-yr old.  Lily was all about the mini-cupcake placed in her hand.  The other little girl was much more dainty about it.

At home tonight, we had another small celebration for our birthday girls.

 

Clearly, Lily enjoyed this cupcake too.  She wasted no time digging in to it.

I can see that this week of the year, is going to be a full one for us from now on.  Between celebrations at school and with family and friends, times two, it's a week full of baking, preparations, sugar, but most importantly--love.

Poor Gracie, doesn't quite understand this year why her two sisters are sharing birthday celebrations, but she isn't included.  We will be sure to make a big deal out of her birthday in April!  I think three is when they finally understand what a birthday is and all that it entails.  Gracie, my little diva, will certainly soak it all in when her day comes around.

Although the parties are fun, with family and friends, what I treasure most are the moments with just the five of us.

And what better end to our day, then a litle reading time with all my babies.

They are all still my babies and always will be.  Miss Rose is like an oversized puppy dog who still wants to crawl into your lap.  Gracie still asks to be held and carried quite often.  And Lily, well obviously, she IS still a baby. 

I love them and I'm in awe of their love for me.

what matters

The end of this year has just pretty much sucked. I try not to use that kind of language, especially around my kids. But it's sucked. Death, sickness, hospitalizations for family & friends. There have been some good times intermixed in the week (hanging out with good friends, and friends I haven't seen in a long time), but the death of our dear friend and brother Eddie, has just left a cloud of sadness over everything. Even last night, when we were at a Bowl game, and the atmosphere was fun, everything made me think of Eddie, and his family. Just sadness.

(you can read more here, here & here)

But these events have given Bean and I perspective, once again. Family and togetherness is what matters. It doesn't matter what else may be going on, or have happened, being together makes it all okay.

It didn't matter that in the course of a few hours the afternoon of New Years Eve, we had an extra toddler in our home while the neighbors made a quick trip the ER (torn ligament for the Mister). It didn't matter that my mom came home from the hospital after a hip replacement surgery. It didn't matter that Bean and Miss Rose left to get my mom's prescriptions, but the wait was long, so he left, got garlic bread at the store, dropped Miss Rose and the bread home, then returned to the pharmacy.

It was chaotic. Tiring. Not New Year's Eve-ish at all.

But we put it all aside, for our

Second Annual New Year's Eve Family Ice Cream Night.

Together.

We ate ice cream. Good, gooey ice cream. Even the baby. Who kept screaming for more. (I ate ice cream too, there were just no photos of it.)

I was dressed in fine satin, Sakura Bloom style! With my sweet, silly, girls. (Don't you love how you can see their individuality in this photo? I do.)

Bean and his girls. They love him, and he loves them. I see his love for them grow daily, and it melts my heart. (Can you tell the sugar is kicking in for Gracie?)

Then the sugar hit full force. Yes, Gracie is wearing one of her infamous sock-gloves. After she was buckled in, she told us she was doing her exercises, as she raised her arms up and down. Completely random; and hilarious. As you can see, Miss Rose was cracking up!

We were together.  And that's what matters.  I don't take it for granted.  My heart and prayers are with Eddie's family, who won't be together with him again this side of heaven.  And for other dear friends who have loved and lost this year.

 

Family. Together. What matters.

an ornament story

There once was a little boy
Who would grow up to love
Those bucking Broncos

There once was a little girl
Who grew up dreaming
Of a true love, and a family
(and cheering for the Bolts)

Years knowing of each other
Music brought them together
And love quickly grew
Their first Christmas together,
A new dating couple

The next Christmas,
A happily married couple

A darling
Brown haired and chocolate eyed
Firstborn

Three years later
A green-eyed pixie
Of fair skin and dark hair

And then a sweet surprise
Another bouncing baby girl
A blue-eyed flower

Sharing a first Christmas
As a family of five

It's gonna be a long week....

Yesterday [Sunday] was a long day.  At the end of it, I couldn't help but wonder if it was a sign of things to come.  So far, it was.

Sunday was church from 7:30am to 12:30pm.  Usually, I come home and crash for the afternoon.  It's amazing how much physical and emotional energy are drained for a pastor (and I'm not even ministering from the platform) on a typical Sunday.  One of my college professors taught about "Monday morning blues" that pastors experience after the emotional high of a Sunday.

But there was no crashing to be had.  My sister broke her phone and we were adding her to our plan so she could get an iPhone (I'm excited to have another in the family!).  So off to AT&T I went for the phone.  Then to Target to look for inexpensive bedding for the girls (yay, found comforters and a sham for $30 per set).  While at Target the AT&T girl called me because she had neglected to put the phone back into the box.  So I returned to AT&T, and finally headed home.

My wonderful friend was just a 30 minute drive away (instead of 60+) and she had brought my new crib bedding!  We gave the kids a quick and early dinner and headed out to see our friends briefly and exchange goods.  Bean is always amazed when we get together because I always have to stuff give her and return to her, but I still end up coming home with more!  Since my children are a year behind hers, she passes a lot on to me. 

I absolutely love the new bedding!  It's pefect and deserves a whole post of it's own later this week.  If you haven't had a sneak peak yet, check it out my recent Tweet.

By the time we got home, got the kids in bed, it was time to do lunches and prepare bottles and all that fun stuff.  A LONG day (although good).

Yeah, so today.  I was up early this morning, but still had trouble making it out of the house on time.  Which meant I forgot my lunch and decided to go back for it after dropping off Miss Rose.  When I leave the house I have to make sure we have Miss Rose's backpack (complete with lunch & folder), my purse, my pump with all necessary parts inside, my lunch AND the diaper bag complete with bottles and baby food and changes of clothes.

At lunchtime we got a call that Miss Rose had a fever at school and was being picked up by Grammie.  Bean, my amazing husband and father of my children, left work and took her home in case she was super sick and contagious.  She crashed for 90 minutes (SO unusual) and would have kept sleeping if Bean hadn't woken her.  She seems okay now and her fever hasn't returned.  But school policy says she can't go to school tomorrow.

Tonight was a typical night.  Well, the Broncos were on TV, so the whole goal of the evening was making sure Bean got to watch some of the game.  I will probably never get over the guilt that Bean was being Superdad during the 2009 Super Bowl, which was supposedly one of the best games of all time.  It was days after my c-section and the circus was in FULL effect and he got to watch very little of the game.


It was just a long full day.  And I'm expecting more of it in days to come.  I'm looking forward to the Thanksgiving weekend for a little repreive to the in and out of every day.

I'm heading to bed early tonight.  I'll be waking in the wee hours to pump and make sure my wee babe has the milk she needs.  And hopefully waking a few hours after that to get my exercise on, because my back is KILLING me and I need regular exercise to strengthen it and my core.

Yup.  It's going to be one of those weeks.

(although I am looking forward to getting a new sling in the mail to help with the clingy baby, and Gracie is peeing again after days of fighting it and having accidents!)

learning the choreography

It's a complicated dance, this business of balancing small children, elementary school and two working parents.  There have been many weeks that it gets the best of me.  I feel spent and I feel like I've failed my children.  I don't like nights that are frantic and there is no quality time with children and I'm having to hurry everyone up, no matter what we're doing.

The last few weeks though, Bean and I finally seem to be getting down this complicated dance.  We still have to improvise nightly, but things are flowing better, which means we are more calm, which spreads to the kids.

Every family dynamic is different--so what works for us won't work the same for everyone.  But here are the dance moves from our home.

Homework gets done in the afternoon, before we get home from work.  As much as I would love to be involved in doing homework with Miss Rose, there just isn't always time. 

Showers are sometimes taken BEFORE dinner.  Weird, I know.  At least for me.  Baths and showers were always at the very end of the day in my house growing up.  But, Bean has convinced me to vary from that routine.  We get home from work by 4:30.  Depending on the evening and dinner prep, if we're going to be eating dinner past 5:30 or 6pm, Miss Rose takes a shower before dinner.  Yes, she usually protests, but it works.

No more night TV!  Watching one TV show before bed has been part of Miss Rose's routine for quite a while.  She is a very active, high energy kid, so this was a great wind down time for her.  But again, there often isn't time and I got really tired of rushing through the night just so she could watch a show.  Slowly, we just began to phase it out.  It wasn't necessarily a planned thing, but a natural evolution.  A few times a week the TV may go on at night, but only if everything else is done and the night is going smoothly.  Regular reading is a must for a kindergartener--so this is a priority high above TV.

Tag team!  Bean and I tag team everything.  He often cleans the kitchen (surprise, surprise) while I do baths and jammies.  I may start dinner, but he'll finish and serve while I start feeding the baby.  After the little girls are bathed, he'll dress Gracie while I dress Lily.  That's after he catches Gracie and gets her to stop running around the house naked saying "shake yer booty."

If it can wait, it can wait.  That's my new mindset.  The kids and quality time with them are my priority.  There is undoubtedly things that I need to/could do each night.  Like cleaning and laundry.  Preparing bottle and lunches for the next day.  But it can wait.  My kids can't.  If it can be done later, then it will.

Mama's bed is best.  My kids love hanging with my on my bed.  They get up and down and move all around, but it's quality time.  I often nurse Lily on my bed in the evening and Gracie especially loves to come hang out and talk to me and bring books up to read and cuddle.  If Miss Rose isn't occupied with something else, she'll end up in there too.  These are some of my favorite moments.  Being silly, cuddling, reading.

Early bedtime.  My kids like to sleep!  They have since they were babies.  They NEED sleep.  Lately our goal has been to have the girls in bed by 7:15.  Which means that we are done with the singing, the drinks, the prayers, the silliness, the cuddling etc by 7:30pm.  Early, I know.  But they are easily asleep by 8pm and not too grumpy when they are woken up at 6:30am.  It works for us.

No night goes like clockwork. That would be boring, right?  Perhaps, but I'd like to try!  There are still moments every night when the wheels are coming off and Bean and I just laugh about the Three Bean Circus taking place.  That phrase is used at least once a night!  But I am feeling much better about how our evenings are going.  Because they are flowing much better, we've actually been able to fit in a few family exercise times (walk/run/bike) right after work.

Let's not talk about the HUGE meltdown Miss Rose had tonight that lasted a few hours and included major loss of privilege and a spanking. 

We just figure it out as we go.

Tidbits

As always, there are many things I would love to blog about, but tonight I'm settling for sharing tidbits.

I've been tired today. And I've come down with my second cold in about two months. Which is twice as many colds as I usually have each year. I've decided I need more sleep and less stress. Not sure that's going to happen though. So bring on the vitamins, meds and Kleenex. It's frusterating though.

I'm trying to stay calm and be less anxious. It's working to some extent. But I still have my moments and sometimes entire days that I just feel like I'm drowning in things that need to be done, incomplete home projects and rooms. Today was kind of one of those days. I just want everything to be in it's place, to have a place to be. I want pictures on the wall, decorations in the kids rooms. No more stacks and piles. Maybe in 2011 we'll be there.

I could honestly use a good two or three solid days of no distractions to get all this done. To put stuff away, to organize and purge, to shop for the things I need for the house. But that's not going to happen. Not only is there just too much going on in life, but the kids seem to be really suffering lately with extra time away from me. Which is understandable. Gracie especially has a hard time by the end of my work week or when I have other stuff that takes me away from home. So I'm just not even willing to try to coordinate additional time away from the kids in order to organize. My kids will not always be this young, and they will not always need me so much. The cleaning and organizing will always be there.

Our evenings are getting better. Bean and I are focusing more on the kids and less on the stuff we'd like to get done. But each night, the three bean circus is in full effect. Miss Rose is throwing fits and crying over the smallest things. Gracie is usually running around like a maniac being her wild self. Lily only wants to be held by me and I swear I could put her to bed at 6pm. But who knows how early she'd wake up, so I try to stretch her to 7pm. She was in bed at 6:45pm tonight, so we'll see what happens tomorrow.

And just when I want to complain and have a pity party, I am reminded how blessed I am and how thankful I should be. A longtime friend lost her unborn baby to Trisomy 13 this week. A baby who fought the odds and survived in utero much longer than expected. She's very new to blogging and you can visit her here.

Recent cuteness happening around our house...

Lily is finally mastering the art of sitting up, at a mere 8.5 months.  Some of her peers have been sitting up for a few months now and are beginning to crawl.  She is a loud one, as I've shared before.  She responds to her sisters with a lot of animation.  Lily seems to enjoy music and activity.  She has her own baby dance party during worship at church and recently at a high school football game, she was bouncing and waving her limbs each time the cheerleaders would start.

Gracie is our little glove girl lately, making everyone laugh and smile.  She loves wearing gloves.  Sometimes she'll wear one and on rare occasions she'll wear two.  It's quite amusing.  The neighbors and others we see on a semi-regular basis are always curious to see what glove(s) she's wearing that day.  A few days ago she found our adult snow gloves and has been sporting those monsters on her hands and even her feet!  She has a developing love for her baby sister which is sweet.  Every day when I get home from work she announces to me "there's your Lily."

Miss Rose is doing wonderful in school.  She has great behavior and is learning new things.  Some of it is still repeat from her pre-K program, but the other day when we were reading a book she was sounding out unfamiliar words--very impressive. She tells us that a boy "who's brain doesn't work the same way" sits next to her in class and she's been helping him and her teacher praises her for how she works with him.  That makes us VERY proud. 

I guess that 6:45pm bedtime didn't go over so well, even though the Little One was falling asleep while feeding.  I better go rescue her for a few minutes and see what's going on.

Thats the tidbits around here!

He went there

We currently have a round dining room table and three chairs.

One chair is a folding chair...that is dangerous for children. My children have folded it on themselves. And pulled it down on themselves as babies.

The other chairs match the table...but their mates broke in the last few years, so the two remaining can't be far behind.

Oh, and there's a highchair.

That's seating for 4. We are a family of 5. A family of 5 dinner-eaters now that the baby is eating solids (although she won't eat my homemade food, but that's another post).

So the baby sits on my lap. Usually as soon as Bean is done eating, he takes over feeding her so I can finish my dinner.

Tonight I looked at him and said "I just want another chair or a bigger table." Because of how our dining area is shaped and the size of our family, I'd like a rectangular table. But new dining sets are expensive.

Then, he went there.

Bean looked at me and said "just think of all the babies in 3rd World countries who don't even have food to eat."

Now come on, was that necessary? Or fair? I think not.

Of course I do see his point.

But as my dad used to tell his mom when she was trying to get him to clean his plate, "then just put the food in an envelope and mail it to them.'

So there.

Renaming

I'm not exactly sure when I created this blog. Maybe about a year and a half ago. I didn't give too much thought to it's name, although I did want it to represent me. I just went back and checked and I began in August of 2007 and gave this explaination for my blog name. And it still holds true.

However, I've been considering a name change. Just for the fun of it.

I think something having to do with "Three Ring Circus" is my top runner right now, if I decide to go ahead with it.

That is how I explain life to many right now. Each of my daughters has their own ring. Bean could be the Ringmaster and I could be the Ringmother. We are just a bunch of clowns most of the time!

In my head I have all these creative ideas for design, but lack the talent or know-how to make it happen. And definately the money to pay someone to design for me.

Or we could be Organized Chaos. That is my life, my house, my office, my children. I AM an organized person. I AM a planner and at times a bit of a control freak. (Okay, Bean would probably say most of the time). But my organization is not always so organized.

My desk at work usually has several piles on it. Don't even go into the drawers! My home is unfortunately full of it's own piles. In 7 years of marriage, we've yet to establish a good system for keeping our mail and paperwork contained. In our defense, we've lived in 5 homes in that amount of time. Maybe after we've been in our current home for a few years we'll have a system. Don't hold your breathe though.

And yes, often there is more chaos than organization. But we try.

Or we could be the Jumping Beans. Bean, Beana, and the Sprouts. Makes me think of the show on Disney, Johnny and the Sprites! Or the Frijoles since 4/5 of us have hispanic genes and the other 1/5 actually speaks Spanish and enjoys going to Mexico.

Who knows. I may just decide to stay No Crying Mama who blogs at No Crying Over Spilled Milk. Or one day you may visit here and be redirected to a new web address!

A Typical Sunday

Want a peak into a typical Sunday for us? Let me re-cap this week's for you.

5am--baby wanted to nurse.

530am--I got up to exercise (wanted to make sure I got it in...but I was yawning a lot during the first service, so I may forego the early workout on Sundays)

630am--girls woke as I was getting ready, interacted some with them--but Bean got up to dress them.

See, I need to be at church at 7:30am on Sundays. Miss Rose likes to come with me to get a donut and go to her early Sunday School class. Gracie is old enough to not want to be left out, so she usually comes too

7am--baby wakes again--I decide to do a quick nursing and save the bottle for Bean to feed her later

7:07--Bean decides he might as well come early with us and just take care of the baby at church

We scramble to finish gathering everything and get out of the door

7:21--finally leaving, about 5min late

7:22--I get 1/2 block down the street and realize I left the coffee pot on in the mayhem to leave (I'm a creature of habit and throw off my routine and everything gets messed up!)

7:37--get to church, I am late, but make it in for the closing prayer of our brief staff meeting

7:45am--I have a few tasks to complete prior to the first service. Bean buys the girls donuts, which they eat after their applesauce

8:00am--girls just want to be with me, but I'm working.

8:05am--Lily is fussing, she's still in her jammies which are now spit-up and drool soaked. I pick her up out of the carseat to find she's exploded all over her jammies and the carseat. I think all the poop shot out of the diaper.

8:06am--there are no wipes in the diaper bag. Bean runs over to the nursery to borrow some.

8:10am--Lily is finally changed. Gracie now stinks. Bean takes big girls to Sunday School where he changes Gracie.

8:30-9:30--we fight with Lily to keep her asleep during service. It's naptime, but she's fidgety. Finally she conks out

10am--Bean is teaching a little girl guitar, Miss Rose and her cousin are telling me of their plan for cousin to stay with us and come over for the day, Gracie is tired and clingy, Lily is ready to eat--I am running the Information Booth at church.

10:10am--a friend is feeding Lily her bottle, Miss Rose and cousin are off to SS and Gracie is with me

10:30am--Bean takes Gracie to her class, he leaves with Lily to go grocery shopping

11am--our number pops up...Gracie is poopy again...they don't change diapers in the 2yr old class

12:20--I'm done praying with people at the alter (great service and message!) and getting the girls. They are all the last ones in their class (always the pastor's kids)

12:30--I bribe the girls (my 2 and their cousin) with Breathsavers to sit calmly while I finish up my duties.

12:40--leaving church, Bean calls with a screaming Lily in the background

1pm--home, feeding Lily, Bean's feeding the girls

2pm--Bean leaves to go back to church for his custodial gig

3:30pm--Gracie wakes, is pretty out of it

4:30pm--Gracie pukes all over and has a slight fever (teething related most likely)

There is a bit more, but it's pretty mundane.

THAT is my crazy Sunday!! It's pretty much always like that with a few variables. It's a unique situation since I'm working on Sundays but my family gets to be with me. And because Bean is pretty involved with worship on Sundays, it's just an entire family affair. We were spoiled the year we lived next to the church because I would have babysitters come over and help with the kids when we had early mornings.

My kids do love going to church and being there (even if Miss Rose won't dress up!) and I am so thankful for that. As they get older, they may not want to be there so much "extra" but that's okay. Right now it's great that they feel safe and comfortable and enjoy being there and going to their classes.

This is why though, it's a bit crazy at times, to be a pastor and the mother of small children! (Oh and I forgot to mention the short break I had to take during the 2nd service to go pump...that too comes with the territory right now)

What a night, what a Champ

Wednesday night was one for the books in our house. After getting off the phone with a nurse about 10:30pm, Bean went out to purchase some fever-reducer administered other than orally, for Gracie who wasn't keeping a thing down. She was burning up at 103 by then.

After he returned home, the medicine was administered and we waited for it to take effect. Gracie was finally a bit more comfortable and we headed to bed by midnight. We decided to put Gracie in the pack-n-play at the end of our bed in case she vomited or needed attention during the night. Lily of course was next to me in the co-sleeper.

We did not get much sleep. Gracie ended up in between us most of the night for comfort. Bean was A CHAMP and primarily took care of her. I was passed out from being so tired. It probably didn't help that I had been awake at 5:30am that morning to Shred. I still was up a few times with Gracie or Lily.

Let me take a minute to brag on Bean. He is such a great father and contributer to the family. He does whatever is needed, wakes during the night when I need assistance with something, runs out for medicine late at night. Bean went into work late on Thursday so he could take Miss Rose to school while I stayed home with the sick girl.

I'm happy to report Gracie is doing MUCH better. She wanted to be with me on the couch all morning on Thursday, but around noon her fever broke and she got off the couch some to play and eat bland foods. I guess it was one of those 24-hour viruses but so far the rest of us are healthy.

SHREDDING
I'm done with Day 3 of The Shred. There is definite soreness in several areas of my body. For some reason my calves are the worst. It hurts to just walk around and going up stairs--KILLER! Hopefully in a day or two they'll adjust to the exercises. The routine is getting a bit easier--but I know in 7 more days we move up to Level 2 and it will be a new soreness!

I've decided to not weigh myself this entire month. I usually get on the scale several times a week...which isn't the best. On one hand it does hold you accountable--but on the other hand it can be quite depressing when you think there should be a change and there isn't. In the last 4 weeks my body has changed, but the scale hasn't. Hopefully when I weigh in on May 1st there will be some change on the scale--but really I'm counting on my clothes being looser!