too soon

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

That's today.  That's this holiday season.  In some ways, that's what this whole year has felt like.

In the midst of our holiday celebration with Bean's family this morning, Bean's brother got a call that his best friend passed away during the night.  A best friend who was like another son to Bean's mom.  A best friend who was a good friend of mine.  A husband, a father of two young sons.

We had an incredible youth group growing up.  A great youth pastor and group of friends.  Church and youth group were our lives.  We hung out all the time together.  Did every youth activity.  Went to church, just to hang out and be together.  There was a group of probably close to 10 of us that were incredibly close.  And still are.  No, we don't see each other daily, weekly or even monthly.  We live in various cities now.  But when we see each other, it's like old times.  It's like seeing your brother or sister after an extended absence.

This news is rocking our world.  Our buddy.  Our brother.  A giant bear of a man, a teddy bear.  He gave the best hugs.  I will miss his hugs.  They just eveloped you.  Almost every memory I have of our group of friends, involves him.  He was just always there.  One of us.  I opened an old photo album tonight, and the first picture was him and my brother-in-law.  It's been several years now since I've seen him on a regular basis.  But the role he played in my life was huge.  My brother-in-law talked to him almost daily.

It was good to begin to process this with family, who have known and loved him.  Tonight we had invited several friends over, who've been friends since those youth group days, for dinner.  It was good to be together, especially in light of this mornings news.  I'm just thankful for each of these friendships.  The long-time friendships and the memories we share.

It's beginning to hit harder tonight.  I've kept busy today.  Constantly moving.  So I didn't have to think.  And you know me, crying doesn't come easy.  Which is a blessing and a curse.  It means I'm not one who cries at the drop of a hat, but it also means when I do have emotions I need to express--it's hard to get them out.  But I know when it will happen.  Tomorrow at church.  When worship begins, and God's presence descends.  Then the cleansing flow will come.

I'm holding my loved ones close tonight, in my arms and in my mind. 

My prayers are with my buddy's wife, and their two young sons.  It's just not fair.

So much potential.  So much life yet to live. 

It was too soon.  32 is too soon.