micro-blogging

I seem to lack the time and the dedication to keep up with life happenings on this blog.  So here are five micro-blogs.

We went to the fair on Friday and had lots of fun. I love annual events like this. I remember going with my mom when Miss Rose was 3 and Gracie was just an infant. And then they were 4 and 1, and we went as a family for the first time. And I was unknowingly pregnant with Lily at the time. And we've been there every year since.

Sunday was Father's Day. And my 34th birthday. I spoiled Bean and it felt good. I should spoil him more often. But I guess if we both were prone to spoiling the other, we'd be super broke! Maybe we both need to find balance.

Even though Sunday was my birthday, I wanted it to be a special day for Bean, and I spent the morning at church of course. So I took today off for "self-appreciation." I got a mani/pedi, did some shopping, went for a run. A couple bumps in the road made it slightly less than perfect, but it was nice to choose what I wanted to do all day.

I have 34 reasons that show I'm getting older. Feeling older. Acting older. Looking older. I'm working on embracing it, but it's not always my favorite.

Girls are just as crazy as boys. You may think that because we have three girls, that our lives are not as full of chaos, energy and craziness as a family of three boys. I beg to differ with that opinion. Come over some day, when my beautiful daughters are running around our small home playing tag, sliding in their socks on the wood floor, wrestling, yelling, hitting and kicking one another for fun, dancing, stripping down to their panties to do these activities, and the list goes on. My girls are rough and tumble. That's for sure.

I may or may not get to elaborate on these topics.  May not is more likely.

how we roll on a Thursday...in photos

I've posted before about how slow most Thursdays are.  I've just worked 4 days in a row.  My kids have been up and ready early and haven't had a lot of time with mom and dad.  Wednesday nights we are at church.  

So Thursday mornings are bliss.  We don't have to get dressed, well except for Miss Rose going to school (although this is her last full week!).  If it's my week to drive, usually the rest of us are still in jammies in the minivan.  I try to not schedule things early, if anything at all.

Do you know that even kids of two-working-parents get tired during the work-week?  I can tell on Thursdays, my kids are tired. They are ready to be in their own home all day and play with their own toys. Sometimes they resist getting dressed at all during the day.  I let them lounge on the couch and watch a little extra TV.  They love to play, so if they are actually still, watching a show, I know they need the downtime.

Not a lot of housework gets done in the early part of the week.  Sometimes I get an urge to do deep cleaning or organization on Thursdays.  Today was one of those days.  It was gloomy all day--typical June for us--but it made me want to hunker down in the house, and the girls didn't mind either.

A few weeks ago I moved Miss Rose into Lily's room and moved Lily in with Maleah.  Miss Rose actually was the only one who had a hard time the first night, but it's been great.  However, the little girls' room still needed a lot of attention.  So I decided to tackle it today.

I love the cubbies.  But they get crammed full of random stuff so easily.  And stuffed animals.  We have so many.  But Gracie knows each and every one.  I don't have the heart to get rid of them because she truly cycles through them all.

So I organized, cleaned, and threw stuff away while the girls played.  Gracie loves weddings and requested to wear a wedding dress.  So it was flower girl dress day for a few hours.  Gracie played with her figurines.  She has such a wonderful imagination.  Even if a lot of the talk is about boyfriends, girlfriends and Justin Beiber.

Lily was a little mama, singing Jesus Loves Me to her baby over and over again.  Melt my heart!  She has the melody of the song down really well, but you can only make out every few words.  I recorded her singing it on my iPhone.  Sometime I'll figure out how to get the clip on her for you to hear it.  Absolutely precious.

I rolled in my pajamas.  All.Day.  It was yoga pants and a tshirt.  But still, I did sleep in them last night.  Sometimes though, that's how you roll.  Once I made it past lunch, what was the point of changing?  And my neighbor was able to pick Miss Rose up from school, so no need to get dressed for pick-up (which requires walking into the school).  I didn't get in the van once today.  If I had a picture, I'd share.  But, oh shame, I don't.

We did walk about half a mile to sign Gracie up for soccer, and half a mile back.  I just threw on a sweatshirt and we went.  Gracie rode her Coaster Car the whole way.  This is what happens when she rides her coaster car.  She flies on that thing.  And propels herself with her toes.

Thankfully, we have a lot of hand me down shoes from friends and Miss Rose.  She's gone through about 4 pairs already.  I need to invent shoes that have thick rubber soles on the toes.  I try to limit the shoes she wears to ride her car, but inevitably she gets out there without me noticing what shoes she is wearing, or it's when a babysitter is here, and once the damage begins, might as well make them play shoes.  These were super cute shoes though and I'm sad they met this fate.

Gracie is excited about soccer.  She will either be the girl picking flowers from the grass, or she will be up in the mix.  It's really hard to say.  She wanted to wear her practice shirt to bed, although she didn't want a picture taken.  She has normal eyes.  I promise.

In the midst of cleaning and playing, Lily wanted to climb into a wooden cradle.  This cradle is older than I am.  There are photos of me laying in it as a newborn (for fun, not for function).  Then, Lily was taking pictures while in the cradle.  I love these chubby feet.

When we got home from soccer sign-ups, I had to change into fresh pajamas.  After 24 hours in those ones, I couldn't bear another 12.  

Oh, and Miss Rose's haircut?  Here it is in the salon, blown dry.  She wasn't a fan of the flip at the bottom.

The other day I told her she should do extra chores and earn money to buy me a super nice birthday present.  She said, "I know what I'll give you.  A...big...chunk...of...love."  Sweet.  And sassy.  Doesn't want to spend her money on mama.  That's ok.  I'd rather have her love anyday.

Most days her hair is crazy as ever.  Just like her.

And, that's how we roll.

(oh, I do have somewhat of a conclusion to the saga of Lily's illness this week.  She is doing much better.  I'll post about it tomorrow)

an empty calendar?

I looked at our wall calendar a few hours ago and saw absolutely nothing written down for the next five days.

This is monumental.

Miss Rose was supposed to have a softball game tomorrow night, but the other team had to forfeit.  I'm not complaining.

I was just out of town for three days at a ministry conference, so I'm really thankful to be home and have nothing major going on.

Maybe I can blog a bit!  I still want to share some stuff from the marriage group we are participating in, and also from the conference I went to.

My best friend from college is expecting a baby any day.  I'm hoping she arrives this week because it's a good week for me to travel the 90 miles for the baby fix.  I need a baby fix!

I'm completely tapped right now.  I can think of nothing creative or funny to share!

Ta-ta for now!

to-do

I would love to double the amount of hours in today

There are so many things I want to do.  I need to do.

Here's what's on my mind...

-take kids to Children's Museum

-clean & organize

-do a craft I have materials for, but haven't had time to do

-catch up on reading

-grocery shop for whole foods...I've been eating way too much junk

-thrifting for clothes, household items

-shopping for jeans (if I didn't find some thrifting) I had a pair rip this week :(

-quality time with my family

What's on your to-do list for today?  How much do you think you'll get done?

I predict I'll accomplish 5 of these items.  If I remember, I'll update later on!

some words

Here's some words, to match the photos here, telling you what's been going on around here.

It's just everyday life, but everyday has so much in it!

Lily is flexing her personality more and more these days.  She loves trying to copy her sisters and also pestering them a bit.  They do their fair share of provoking her too.

Bean surprised me with a Lisa Leonard necklace on Valentine's Day.  We hadn't really talked about exchanging gifts, and we're trying to be really good about our budget, but Bean always blows the budget on me.  I'm blessed!!  The crazy thing is that for a year or maybe more, whenever I enter giveaways for LL designs, I always note the Heartstrings necklace as my favorite.  Bean didn't know that.  He spent 30 minutes deciding which necklace to order, and that's what he chose.  How well does he know me??

Around the necklace is our wedding date, and each girls' name.  I've worn it a lot already.  Gracie thinks its neat that her name is on it and always asks which one is her name.  Both the little girls love handling the necklace when it's on me.  Something that makes it even more special to me.  And perfect that its sturdy and I don't have worry about it breaking.  I'm a happy camper with two Lisa Leonard necklaces in my possession now.  And I predict someday, there will be more.  Cause I just love so many of them!

Miss Rose started softball.  She's so cute in her uniform!  She has an awesome coach who has done tons of little things to make it extra fun for the girls.  Last year she played Little League, with boys and girls--so this is something new to be playing with all girls.  We roasted during her first game...and then last week her game was rained out and it looks like this week will be the same.  Booo!!!

Lily was sick, again, over the weekend.  4 days of fever and awful diapers.  I was concerned her double ear infections flared up again--she was actually complaining about her ear--so I spent 3 hours in urgent care late one night, to find out her ears were fine.  Maybe she had a headache.  Anyhow, she's better now and eating again.

Gracie got a robe from her cousin.  Which she loves wearing!  She wears it to bed a lot of nights.  So cute.  And sometimes she wears it when we take Ella to school.  And sometimes she's grumpy because she doesn't want to leave the house.  I don't blame her.

I dyed my hair.  Not permanent, but it will last a while.  A dark brown/red/auburn color.  It's something different and I like it!

It's taking me a while to get through the last part of this book.  It's not something to be read lightly.  I love absorbing it.  Digesting it.  Something that's hard to do when you're super tired.  I'm still working on my list, although writing them down has been slow going.  It's still having a tremendous impact on my life.

Bean and I are taking part in a marriage discipleship group meeting four times this year.  Our first meeting was last week and it was a wonderful experience.  It's different from anything we've done before--and not something we'd normally participate it--but we are so glad we decided to do it.  I have a few things I hope to share soon from it.

That's some very random things from our neck of the woods!

I need you more

These lyrics and the heart of this worship have been ministering to me this week.  It's been one of those weeks.  Nothing major, just little things that pile up and overwhelm this mama.  But thankfully I have my Jesus, who loves me so much and only wants the best for me.  When I doubt anything in life, I have to go back to that.  Jesus loves me.

I need You more

More than yesterday

I need You Lord

More than words can say

I need You more

Than ever before

I need You Lord

I need You Lord

More than the air I breathe

More than the song I sing

More than the next heartbeat

More than anything
And Lord as time goes by

I'll be by Your side

Cause I never want to go back

To my old life

We give you the highest praise
We give you the highest praise
(repeat)

which way is up?

I am so incredibly disoriented in life, it's quite pitiful.

I love my routines and patterns.  My kids thrive on them as well.  Our life is never wrapped up in a box with a nice bow on it--but 50-75% of the time, things go as planned.  Some semblance of routine is required to keep us on track with the demands of a working mom, a first grader, two little girls and the rest of life.

All that has been thrown out of the window in the last several days.  Some was expected, some was not.

Last week, Bean got the opportunity to work some hours at his former part-time job at the church.  It's short-term, but you can always use extra money, right?  Especially this time of year.  Especially when I unexplicabely broke a tooth last week and now have a temporary crown and will go back next week for the permanent one.  Which will necessitate getting a new custom-molded mouth guard which prevents me from clenching my teeth at night, most likely a stress/tension related habit.  But I have TMJ and am prone to headaches, so this mouth guard is a must for me.  And it's super sexy when I talk with a lisp at night to Bean.  Just ask him.

Anyhow, this means that Bean worked 5-6 hours on Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings.  In the midst of holiday extravaganzas and other such busyness, which I navigated on my own so that he could work.  That was the unexpected, for which we are thankful though.

The expected was moving out of our house last night, for a week.  The fact that it was expected, didn't make it any easier.  So much couldn't be done until the day of or the night of.  It was pointless to do much to prepare, which of course made me freak out in my head the last few weeks.

At 4:30pm last night, it began.  I packed for myself and the kids.  Clothes, toiletries, anything we might need.  We got dinner, and bathed all the kids early.  Headed over to his mom's apartment, where the kids proceeded to bounce off the walls for about thirty minutes, before we put them to bed.  His mom likes to keep her house quite warm.  We were broiling. The kids ended up sleeping in their underwear.  We are having an odd heat wave right now.  But still.  It was hot.  And she was wearing a sweatshirt.

Bean and I then returned to the house to gather the rest of what we needed.  We also had to clear the floor, tub and vanity of the hall bathroom.  We moved furniture away from windows (which are all being replaced). We had to clear off every surface in the kitchen (new granite countertops, whoo-hoo!).  Technically since there is lead abatement involved, we aren't supposed to return to the house until it's cleared.  However Bean was trying to convince me that it would be easier for him to return after work hours each night, to get what we needed for the next day.  He's a raging lunatic sometimes.

Last night, Miss Rose & Gracie slept on a queen Aero Bed, I slept (kind of) on a twin bed and Lily was in a pack-n-play.  Bean slept on the couch.  None of us slept well.  Miss Rose said she woke up every time she moved because the Aero bed was noisy.  Lily woke at one point and was crying, so I brought her into bed with me for a bit.

It's just odd.  Everything is out of sorts right now.  And like the title says today, I have no idea which way is up, what time it is or what day it is today.  The normal organized chaos of my life has become very unorganized chaos. 

We are so thankful to my mother-in-law for opening her home to us, for Bean's grandma moving out for the week to give us a bedroom to spread our stuff out.  The other option was staying in a residence hotel in a less than satisfactory part of town.  This is much, much better.

Hopefully, the novelty has worn off and everyone will be good and tired tonight, and sleep well.  The chaos continues though, because we have a holiday dinner to attend.  Miss Rose will stay with Grammie so she can go to bed on time.  The little girls will go to the home of a co-worker for the evening.  Since Grammie watched the kids all day while I'm working, we didn't want to stick her with them all again tonight.

*Sigh*  If you see me, in person, or in the interwebs, please show me which way is up.

I may not find it again until Sunday or Monday.

{but, I am doing my best to still choose joy because it's all for a reason, for a purpose and we will return to an upgraded house, for which we've barely had pay anything}

balance part 2: sometimes, you gotta do nothing

This is Part 2 in a brief series I'm blogging on finding balance in your life.  Check out Part 1 here.  I said I would post the next part the rest day.  But I lied.  Or actually, life just got in the way.  But nonetheless, here's more.  There is at least one more post to come, maybe two.  I'm verbose.

Remember the pie of each day?  Every day how you spend your time is going to vary.  Your priorities are going to change with the needs of your family and the demands of life.

Guess what?

You can ALWAYS be doing something.  You know.  You've been there.  You collapse onto the couch after you get the kids down for a nap, or down for the night.  Staring you in the face is the laundry yet to be put away, the dishes piled in the sink, the empty lunch bag that needs to be filled for the morning.  There is always something to do.  That something sometimes is fun or entertaining.  But it's still something.

But, you can always be doing NOTHING.  The few moments to check your email or bank balance turns into two hours on Facebook and blog-hopping.  (of course I've never done that, just heard it can happen)  The housework and household management piles up.

Balance is know what to do, when to do it and when to not do anything.

Things have to get done.  Picking up the living room, having a semi-clean kitchen and making my daughter's lunch the night before make for a much smoother morning in our household.  That doesn't mean those things are always done every night.  But most nights they are.  That's something that does need to be done.  Like I've said before, there are other things I don't worry about as much.  My dresser is piled high with random papers, keepsakes and paraphernalia.  But that's not something I feel pressured to take care of.

You know what your hot buttons are.  You know what your husbands hot buttons are.  My husband detests a sinkful of dirty dishes.  On a Saturday when our family is home most of the day, he probably does dishes at least five times.  No joke.  I don't care as much about dirty dishes.  I'd rather they pile up and then I'll do them all at once.  But because I know how Bean gets with the kitchen, I almost always try to have the dishes done when he gets home from work (on the days I'm home).  If I choose to do nothing, he immediately goes to the kitchen to wash dishes when he gets home from work, which sometimes annoys me.

But some days, if I've been on a big outing with the kids or done a lot of errands or maybe I'm just exhausted, I'll let the kitchen slide.  And Bean lives.  There are days that I choose to do nothing that can wait.  Because it's right for that day.  Because I want to snuggle my kids on the couch while we have downtime and I need to just lose myself in mindless reading or television.

That's balance.

When I lack balance in my life, when I do too much or when I don't do enough, I pay the price.  I crash on the days I'm off.  I spiral downward.  Bean loves when I use that phrase.  It's not a good sign.  By the end of my workweek, I'm a mess.  I have no motivation to do the things I need to do or should do.  I don't eat right.  I don't exercise.  One negative thought turns into about 1,000 and all of the sudden I'm finding every little thing wrong with life and it's the end of the world.  I may appear to have it all together, but this really does happen.  Inside, I'm falling apart.

When I have balance in my life, I am happy and fulfilled.  I find joy in the small things, even if the big picture isn't what I would like it to be.  The things that are un-done don't bother me.  I am thankful for the blessings in my life.  I can see the blessings in my life.  I recognize the value of eating well and exercising.

If you stop to think on it, you can probably identify similar patterns in your own life. 

What happens when you lack balance in your life? 

What does it look like when you know what needs to be done, when to do it and when do not do anything?

on achieving balance (hint: impossible)

Earlier this year I had the pleasure of speaking at a mom’s group that a college friend helps lead.  While there, I also met another blogger.  I had come across her blog not too long before meeting her and was intrigued because she is a mom to three girls and I knew of her husband and their band from my college days also.  Check out her blog.  You’ll keep going back.

Anyhow, I digress.

Back when I spoke, I intended to share the content here on my blog.  But time got away from me, and then I couldn’t find my notes.  I thought I had it typed up on my computer, but all I could find was an outline with blanks.  And I couldn’t remember all the fill-in’s.  But last week while reading one of my Bible’s, I found my original notes!

So I can finally share them here with you.  I’m going to break it up though into a few days of posts because otherwise it will be too long.  I get wordy.

As moms, I think we often strive for balance in our lives.  We want to have all our ducks in a row.  We want to have a clean and organized home, homemade meals, laundry clean and put away, time for ourselves, time with our husbands and to be showered would be nice too.  All in the same day. 

When was the last time that happened for you?  Oh, and for me and other working moms---add in working to that balanced day too.

But honestly, it’s not realistic. 

Balance, is defined as a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

This sort of balance, where there is equal distribution is almost impossible.  As a mom, as human being living on earth, things are always changing.  You can’t predict which day your baby will take that glorious three-hour nap giving you plenty of time to catch up on the housework as well as your favorite TV show.  Because it could just as easily be the day your baby is teething and refuses to nap more than thirty minutes at a time.

As a working mom, illness is what often throws the wrench into my “perfect balance.”  When my kids or my caregivers are sick, it often means I lose time at work.  So I’m trying to work at home.  Or trying to get more done in less time.  And the balance goes out the door.  Because then I get stressed, and I have anxiety over what I’m not getting done and because I’m caring for a sick child, I’m not getting anything else done.

The list goes on for what disrupts balance; car trouble, weather, broken appliances, or fill-in-the-blank.

I prefer a different definition of balance when it comes to motherhood.

Balance does not necessarily mean equal.  If your life were represented by a pie (mine would be apple crumb if you’re wondering), you are not going to be able to cut that pie in equal pieces each day.  Some days, one piece of the pie will need to be bigger than the others.

Three days a week, when it’s all said and done, about 11 hours of my day are devoted to work.  It begins when I wake up—and maybe run on the treadmill—and get myself and the kids out of the door (with Bean’s help too), work and then pick the kids up and get home.  Even once we are home, the time goes quickly and I’m tired from a long day, and trying to maximize the time I do have with my kids.  Housekeeping is usually low on the list—the smallest piece of the pie.

The days that I am at home, balance swings more towards housework and quality time with children.  The hardest days for me are those where I truly need downtime and I don’t push myself to accomplish much.  I feel guilty, selfish and lazy. I want to have that perfectly put together home and fully homecooked meal ready for dinner.  But the pace of my life catches up with me sometimes, and I need a semi-catatonic day to reboot.

Instead of feeling guilty that you aren’t getting it all done in one day, look at the big picture.  It gets done, when it needs to get done, when you can get it done, when what’s most important has already been done.

Balance is individual.  I am amazed at the status updates I read on Facebook from a college friend of mine.  She never stops moving!  When her kids are napping or sleeping at night, she’s doing laundry and housework.  When my kids sleep, I sometimes don’t do anything!  But obviously for her, as a stay at home mom, cleanliness and organization and completion of tasks are important to her. 

We all have our priorities.  We all have those areas of our house that need to be clean or organized, lest we go crazy.  We also have those areas that aren’t as important. 

My balance is extremely individual.  I am a working mom in a position where I am the only one who can do most of my duties.  Sundays are workdays for me.  Yet, I’m off two weekdays.  Sometimes my job requires evenings or weekends.  It’s not just a job, it’s a calling, a lifestyle, it’s emotionally demanding at times.

I get in trouble when I compare my life to the life of a stay-at-home-mom, or a mom who can leave work at work.  My life is unique.  Thus my approach to my life must be unique.  And the balance I must achieve varies from week to week and I am the only one who can determine it.

We all have different personalities.  Our priorities and needs in life are individual.  And how we cut that pie each day will be different.  And that’s okay.

Own your own sense of balance.  Don’t judge another mom for her sense of balance. 

Take a deep breath and live your life, according to how God made you.  Just like it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything.  It does not specify how much time for each thing.  Because it’s different for each of us.

Just to recap…

Balance is almost impossible

Balance does not necessarily mean equal

Balance is individual

More tomorrow!

dull?

I think I may change my blog name to Never A Dull Moment.  Because honestly, there isn't one.  Although I'd really like a dull moment, or a lot of dull moments.

I figure its this way for everyone with kids, young kids, many kids.  Please tell me it's true.  So often, when I recount whats going on in my life I feel like people look at me funny.  But honestly, I want a dull life.

So Lily was sick all last weekend.  Sunday morning was finally her last fever.  Which reminds me, I didn't give her the antibiotic before bed.  Sigh.  Should be real fun to give it to her while she's asleep.

Tuesday morning started out just lovely, when I couldn't find my house & work keys.  My car keys detach from them and I usually have to trade cars with my mother-in-law when she watches the kids.  I remembered Lily trying to use the keys on the door and being mad that she couldn't reach and I wouldn't lift her up.  I scoured the house in the usual spots, but no dice.  Luckily I live in an ok area, my parents are next door and Bean was coming home at lunch for an appointment.

While in my weekly Tuesday meetings I get texts that Gracie has a tummy ache and Bean has decided to get the girls when he comes home.  I offer to come home after my meetings so he can go back to work.  I spent the afternoon working while Gracie and Lily slept.  Gracie had some little stomach bug that caused some trips to the bathroom and one vomit.  And a night in mom and dad's bed.

My sister in law, who watches the kids on Wednesdays was sick--and we also didn't want to risk Gracie spreading any germs.  I got up and went to work from 7:30am-10:30am.  Came home and Bean went to work.  In between caring for kids, I worked another solid 3 hours.  It is nice that I can work from home often.  Although I always feel bad for my assistant when I do because she gets about eighty-thousand emails from me. 

There were a couple things I forgot at work.  Like email lists on my computer that I HAD to send emails to.  So when Bean got home at 5:30, I headed back to work for another hour+.  Got home, inhaled some dinner and finished helping Bean get kids in bed.

Did I mention that today is our 9th anniversary?  We didn't have any plans, especially since it's the middle of the week and we are broke anyways.  But still, it's been a long, stressful day.  Thankfully Gracie woke up and was pretty much back to normal.  She ate and played most of the day as always.  

Tomorrow Lily has a well-baby check.  I'm thrilled that they won't play Twenty Questions about her not walking, since she has been walking a few months now.  But she's supposed to get shots.  Which should make her super happy the rest of the day.  She's doing a lot of whining and complaining and demanding lately.  I pretty much want to put her on the street corner in a box by the end of most days.  Yet somehow, I love her so fiercely.

Once again, life has sucked the blog out of me!  I'd rather blog about fun stuff!

Someday it will be dull, and I'll look fondly back to these days.

Right?

on the merry-go-round

Do you ever feel like your life is a merry-go-round that seems to never stop so you can get off?  That's where I'm at right now.  I had a great week with the kids last week, but come Sunday night the "back to work" blues hit, and then a cold turned into a virus with the baby, complete with fever.  That merry-go-round kicked up and off we went.  It seems like it's coming to a stop, but I can't be sure.

I don't like weeks like this.  I don't like feeling this way.  This was not a good re-entry into the working mom life, after a calm, fun week of being a mom.

Due to a variety of things, I completely lost it on Tuesday.  I was intending to go to work, but the wheels flew off of everything and my only option was to stay home.  Not that I was upset to stay home.  When my children are sick, it rips my heart in two to leave them and go to work.  But after being gone for a week, and then my first day back was an off-site planning day, I had work piled up. 

And when I say I lost it, I mean I cried for over an hour.  I would stop, and then start again.  And for me, crying for an hour is the equivalent of the average woman crying for three days straight.  I never cry like that.  But I needed it.  Crying is cleansing and often I wish I could let myself cry more. 

But, in the midst of it all, God is good and when all the wheels fly off your life, he provides people to loan you their spare tires.  Bean has been amazing, staying home two days this week with Lily.  Family stepped in to help out with the older girls these last few days too--and they even brought us a pizza last night.  Someone even did some cleaning at my house.  We have awesome family.  We love being there for them too.

I am hoping, praying, expecting, believing that tomorrow I will get off this merry-go-round and resume normal life and normal emotions.  On Monday, the doctor said to expect three days of fever for Lily.  Tonight completes three days so hopefully tomorrow she will be fever free.

My thought tonight was that I want to find joy in the journey.  Life is a journey.  There are always going to be ups and downs.  But I'm asking God to restore my joy and give me peace in th storm.

I do plan to resume the fun of sharing life with our Three-Bean Circus.  I have so many photos from this summer.

Here's hoping all is well with you!

unfortunately

We survived another trip to the dentist this morning.

Miss Rose experiences great anxiety when dental work is required. 

Unfortunately, she needed a tooth extracted at the age of 2, which traumatized her.

Unfortunately, she has inherited soft teeth with deep grooves. 

And I learned today, that her teeth may be doomed before food ever gets stuck in their crevices.  She had a 6-yr old molar come in recently, that already had a hole in it.  The dentist gave me a name for it, which I can't remember and am too lazy to google right now. 

These are some unfortunate combinations.

At age 4 she had some dental work done and they chose to sedate her with Versed.   It was quite an experience because the medication made her pretty loopy and she was saying some funny stuff.  I was sad to have to see my girl like that though.  And even with that sedation, I had to restrain her some for the dentist.

Today, we decided to try nitrous oxide first.  I gather that not all 6-yr old need this.  However, my poor girl was in tears as soon as we hit the doorway of the exam room.  Part of me wants to tell her to snap out of it and buck up, but I know that she has legitimate anxiety.

It was borderline at first.  She bawled through the shots, even though the nitrous was on her and the dentist used numbing gel before he gave the shots.  But, she didn't move through it all.  In fact, I think the bawling helped.  I've never seen her mouth so wide open before.  It was hard to see her so affected.

While the novacain took effect, so did the nitrous.  By the time the dentist returned, she was calm enough for him to do all the work needed (2 sealants and 2 cavities).  We see a pediatric dentist, so she was able to watch a movie in the ceiling and listen with headphones which help drown out the dental tools.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid this won't be our last visit for cavities.  It seems that she's doomed.  We do the best we can, but even the dentist says for her, it's just inevitable.

Unfortunately, for Miss Rose, I renewed a passion to limit the candy my kids eat.  I've been lax lately.  Especially with all the holidays and birthdays in the past 5 months.  It's not like they eat inordinate amounts of candy, but they could certainly eat less. 

Some things, you just can't change.  You do the best you can.  But you can't control everything.  It's unfortunate, but it's life.  Life will never be perfect.  There's always going to be a challenge.  There's always going to be something that isn't fair. 

You might bawl a bit like Miss Rose, but there is always something else you can choose to focus on (like Kung Fu Panda playing in the ceiling).  But the pain is for a purpose, a greater good.  And afterwards, you may feel numb for a while.  Slowly, the memories fade, the pain recedes and predictability returns.

Unfortunately, that's just life.

28:: babywearing Bible Mama (with photos this time!)

On my last Sunday, as a babywearing Bible mama, I got a photo! Which in itself, is pretty miraculous, given the whirlwind that Sundays have been. Are you tired yet of me recounting the craziness of my Sundays? As I was driving home this afternoon, I was thinking about how God certainly has called me to the ministry because he gets me through these crazy days and although I'm exhausted, I'm fulfilled in my ministry and thankful that my kids are experiencing ministry too.

I was out of the door at 7:10am with the older girls. I had a bunch of printing to do for promoting a new ministry. I have more hours of week these days, then I do time in the office, which means for last minute stuff like today. After sending the girls for their Sunday morning donuts, Miss Rose came back and said she had an accident. Just lovely. Thankfully Bean was still home, so he was able to get clean clothes. That's what happens when you're daughter is determined to come early with you--but is still tired and neglects using the bathroom when she first wakes up.

At 8am I had to rush to get my stage makeup done. Grab my costume, then back to meet Bean for Miss Rose's clean clothes and to get the baby and costume her. Once my part in the production was done...quick change into a dress and out to do sign-ups for our new classes. Then, lather, rinse, repeat for the 2nd service.

I wish I had taken a picture of my office after the whirlwind was over. Candy wrappers, sunday school papers, pee-laden clothes, toys strewn about, half-eaten applesauce, empty raisin box, my own papers and clothes, empty water bottles and general craziness.

It's been fun, but I'm looking forward to just focusing on ministry next weekend (although our trilogy has one more part) and Bean said he's ready to not be Mr. Mom and stage dad.

Me & the babe, sporting the Sakura Bloom!   I don't know that the average townperson following Jesus would have had such a lush sling, but I thought it fit with the costume pretty well.  Can you tell Lily missed her morning nap?

Babywearing Bible mama and her modern children!  (Notice how tall Miss Rose is getting?  STOP GROWING!)

There have been about a gazillion people snapping photos the last few weeks.  If I get any good "action" shots, I'll be sure to share them!

Now that my part is over, I'm excited to paint my toenails and wear earrings again!  

24

I am fairly certain that the last 24 hours of my life could easily have been made into a season long series chronicling one hour each episode.

Oh wait, there's already a show like that.

Well, I think mine would have a great "mom" audience.

Hmmm...that would make a great TLC type of show, don't ya think?

I am so tired tonight it's amazing.  I should be in bed.  I would be, except it's Bean's birthday today and he's at worship practice.  I'm trying to stay up until he gets home.  Or until I can't keep my eyes open any longer.  Nights like this I wish we had a TV in our room, so I could be cozy in bed.  But then the chances of my falling asleep would be even greater.

Back to 24.

Seriously, the last 24 hours = insanity!  The regular ins and outs of life, as well as me always trying to do too much.

You want to know what I have been so busy with?  Oh, sure.  I'd love to share.  I might just go back a few more than 24hrs.

Wednesday
 4pm: Leave work after a very full day catching up from having Monday off.  Pick up kids from mother-in-law

4:30pm: Arrive home with little girls, begin to prepare dinner

5:00pm: Bean arrives home with Miss Rose from her first T-ball practice.  Miss Rose gets in the shower while I finish up dinner.

5:30pm: Family sits down to eat.  Gracie only eats 1 baby carrot and 2 forced bites of pizza muffin.

5:45pm: Scramble to get out of the door to church

6:00-6:30pm: Leave for church, arrive at church, check kids in, take 5-month old niece for sister-in-law who is speaking to the youth group

6:30-8:00pm: Lead small group; niece is antsy so being the great uncle he is, Bean takes her out and walks around for the majority of the time

8:00pm: Bean and I are in possession of 6 children.  I'm carrying two babies, two 6-yr olds & a 3 yr old are running around like crazy, 2yr old is crying because we aren't his mom.  Bring 3 kids to their mom, take our 3 kids home.

8:30-9:00pm: Get home, finally get our kids in bed.  Now I have to go to the store because I'm starting cinnamon rolls tonight for a playgroup baby shower tomorrow.

9:30pm-11:15pm: I go through the first few steps and waiting periods of making cinnamon rolls while watching TV with Bean.  Finally go to sleep.

Thursday
5:45am: Wake up to make a small pan of cinnamon rolls for Bean before he leaves for work.  He always spoils me rotten and deserves some of the same for his birthday

6:30am: Cinnamon rolls are cooking, girls wake up, begin morning routines, Bean and the girls enjoy cinnamon rolls together before he leaves.  Worth the price of admission.  Or the price of waking up so early

7:30am: Take Miss Rose to school, stop by the store to pick up a few things I need to finish cinnamon rolls (having enough cinnamon is crucial)

8:15am-9:30am: Feed little girls more breakfast, get cinnamon rolls in the pans and rising, bathe little girls, shower myself, get everything in the car, drive to playgroup and get rolls in the oven.

11:45am: Arrive home from playgroup (always a fun, chaotic time) where friend was showered with diapers and we all ate the yet unborn baby's weight in cinnamon rolls.

Feed little girls lunch, do first set of dishes (we have no dishwasher), clean the hardened melted butter, cinnamon, sugar & flour (I really just spelled it "flower" and had to go back and correct; TIRED) off the dining table

1pm: Finally get little girls down for naps; my mom comes over so I can go get birthday gifts for Bean

3pm: After successful shopping, pick Miss Rose up from her after school aerobics class

Deal with a tired 6yr old, little girls finally wake up from nap, clean up the house a bit, do a few more dishes, start getting dinner ready, put laundry in (I'm SO behind right now)

Work with Miss Rose on her sight words for a test tomorrow, and monitor her homework. 

4:15pm: Bean the Birthday Boy arrives home; gotta keep dinner going, potatoes not baking fast enough in the oven, baby is fussy and hungry, crackers not cutting it

5:15pm: With Bean's help, dinner is finally ready and we sit down to eat

5:30pm: Dinner's done, time to load up to head to Frozen Yogurt as our birthday treat

6:00pm: We've driven separately to Fro Yo.  Bean now heads to church, I head home with the girls

So thankful that the girls are clean enough to skip bathing tonight.  Not happening! 

It's a calm evening for the most part. 

7:15pm: Girls are in bed, nurse baby and put her down. 

More laundry.

Toys are strewn about the living room.  Dinner stuff is still on the table.  I never did get the cinnamon roll dishes finished, and now dinner prep dishes are there also. 

I am, stuck on the couch.  I simply have nothing left.  It can wait.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Thankfully, it's a day with no plans, no major to-do list, no appointments.  It's also the neighbor's day to drive to school.  Which means I just have to get Miss Rose out of the house, not all 4 of us.  And I'll be in my jammies for a long time.

I loved treating Bean this morning to a special birthday breakfast on a workday.  I loved making cinnamon rolls for our playgroup.  I loved eating them. 

I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining.  Because I'm not.  Just telling it like it is!  And sometimes, it's tiring, while also being rewarding.

I AM going to have to put away some clean laundry before I can go to bed.  It's folded on my bed currently.  See, a mom's work is never done.  Even when she tries to be done.

life & love

If only I could actually write all the blog post ideas that I have and write in my head.  Recently I read another bloggers idea about an app or program that would write the blog you compose in your head.  If I could remember what blogger it was, I would totally give her credit.

We've been living life.  And we've been loving one another.  It was Valentine's weekend you know.  And oh the cute posts I thought about writing about why I love each of my children and my husband.  But I was too busy loving and living to actually write about it.  Which isn't a bad thing.

We had a nice long weekend.  Miss Rose was off of school Friday and Monday.  Friday, we finally got to make the trip to see my friend's new house and let our girls run around and play together.  Six girls is a lot!  It was a wonderful visit though.  We spent a lot of time with friends and family this weekend. 

Valentine's Day was busy, but we were together.  Being Sunday, it's a workday for me.  Miss Lily had thrush, so Daddy kept her home from church.  He did bring me my favorite Starbucks drink at 6:30am as I was getting ready for church.  Awww, whattaguy!  I returned the thought, and brought him home a McDonald's Diet Coke (our favorite fountain Diet Coke...and at $1 for an extra large, you can't beat it).  That was the extent of our V-Day exchange, which was perfectly fine with me.  When we get a chance, we'll have a date night too.

I was very excited about getting the girls flowered hats from Briar.Claire.  In true form, they weren't all that excited though.  Things usually have to lose their newness before they decide they like them.  I'm hoping they'll wear them here and there.  I will not be beyond bribing them for a photo session sometime in the near future.  I got a few cute photos of Lily in her red (of course) hat.  It makes her blue eyes stand out!

Miss Rose starts T-ball this week.  Practices for a few weeks and then games begin in March.  We're excited to see how she does and she is excited to play.  She definately has some natural sports ability.  She loved her first year of soccer, but the second year didn't seem to be as thrilling for her.  So we'll see how this sport goes.

Life goes on.  Life is full.  Thankfully, there's a lot of love to go around as well.

too soon

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

That's today.  That's this holiday season.  In some ways, that's what this whole year has felt like.

In the midst of our holiday celebration with Bean's family this morning, Bean's brother got a call that his best friend passed away during the night.  A best friend who was like another son to Bean's mom.  A best friend who was a good friend of mine.  A husband, a father of two young sons.

We had an incredible youth group growing up.  A great youth pastor and group of friends.  Church and youth group were our lives.  We hung out all the time together.  Did every youth activity.  Went to church, just to hang out and be together.  There was a group of probably close to 10 of us that were incredibly close.  And still are.  No, we don't see each other daily, weekly or even monthly.  We live in various cities now.  But when we see each other, it's like old times.  It's like seeing your brother or sister after an extended absence.

This news is rocking our world.  Our buddy.  Our brother.  A giant bear of a man, a teddy bear.  He gave the best hugs.  I will miss his hugs.  They just eveloped you.  Almost every memory I have of our group of friends, involves him.  He was just always there.  One of us.  I opened an old photo album tonight, and the first picture was him and my brother-in-law.  It's been several years now since I've seen him on a regular basis.  But the role he played in my life was huge.  My brother-in-law talked to him almost daily.

It was good to begin to process this with family, who have known and loved him.  Tonight we had invited several friends over, who've been friends since those youth group days, for dinner.  It was good to be together, especially in light of this mornings news.  I'm just thankful for each of these friendships.  The long-time friendships and the memories we share.

It's beginning to hit harder tonight.  I've kept busy today.  Constantly moving.  So I didn't have to think.  And you know me, crying doesn't come easy.  Which is a blessing and a curse.  It means I'm not one who cries at the drop of a hat, but it also means when I do have emotions I need to express--it's hard to get them out.  But I know when it will happen.  Tomorrow at church.  When worship begins, and God's presence descends.  Then the cleansing flow will come.

I'm holding my loved ones close tonight, in my arms and in my mind. 

My prayers are with my buddy's wife, and their two young sons.  It's just not fair.

So much potential.  So much life yet to live. 

It was too soon.  32 is too soon. 

More like home

It's hard to say why, but the transition to our new house has been very odd for Bean and I. I think it is a combination of many things. The fact that this is a "forever" home...or at least a "very long time" home. That's an odd idea, a bit of a foreign concept. This is our 5th home in 7 years of marriage, so we've been used to the constant change. It's hard to mentally grasp that we don't have to move again. That we own this home. That we can really make it our own even more over the course of time.

The other factor is the new baby coming...because we aren't settled yet, the idea of bringing a new baby home is weird. It's not quite home yet. And yet a new baby is coming. I'm starting to get to nest, but not too much yet. One of my goals this weekend was to unpack all the baby stuff so I knew where it was in order to prepare and wash it. Thankfully I found it all!! Probably over the weekend and next week I'll get it washed and ready.

Celebrating Miss Rose's 5th birthday last night helped make it feel more like home. That's what happens when you have 11 adults and 6 children in a 1100 square foot house!! It was wonderful to have family here. Yes there are stacks of boxes, lighting is inadequate, not all the curtains are up, but we had family in our home. That did a lot in making it feel more like home.

Tonight we're getting the kitchen started. Yay! Every day, a little more like home...

Living Within Our Means

When people hear that we are moving, that we have purchased a house, we hear some common questions.

Is the house bigger? Are there more bedrooms? Big yard?

The answer to each of those questions is, NO. To some it may seem odd, but it's living within our means.

Granted, the main reason we have bought a house and are moving is to provide my parents with a place to live. The reason we were even able to buy it is because my parents provided the down payment. For reasons it would take too long to explain, they can't own a house on their own, nor should they. It's better for all of us to be together.

Of course Bean and I had to make this decision not only because it was good for my parents, but also because it was good for us. We are losing square footage in comparison to our current home and as would be expected, the bedrooms are smaller. Because the garage will be expanded and converted to a granny flat for my parents, there really isn't much backyard.

BUT...it's a fantastic neighborhood with good schools. It's central to most everything in our city. Hopefully Bean's commute will be a bit shorter. And we will be paying ourselves by paying the mortgage, investing in our future.

Most importantly, it's within our means. Sure, we qualified for a home with a higher purchase price, but the mortgage would have been a big stretch. Someday it would be nice if Bean can quit his 12-hr a week part-time custodial gig at the church.

We want our children to have a bit more than we had growing up, if possible. But we aren't willing to give them so much that we live in debt forever or are house-poor. Our kids are young and small. Having a small house works now much better than when they are growing teenagers. Hopefully by then, maybe we'll be able to afford a larger home.

Along those same lines, we'll be squeezing our three children onto one bench in our Honda CRV for a while. We've talked a lot about getting a minivan and eventually I assume we will. But it makes more sense, it is living within our means, to not make a purchase that increases our monthly payment. Once we're settled and used to the mortgage and the expense of a baby and having 2 in diapers for the first time, we'll see if a minivan is in our future. I actually LOVE our CRV, so I don't mind continuing to drive it. I just have to find the right carseat combination to fit in the back. The expense of 1 or 2 new seats is equal to one or two months of higher car payments, so very little in comparison.

I feel good about this. About living within our means. There will be challenges. We have to downsize a bit and be creative with storage and belongings, but it will be good for us. Especially me. I have a bit of pack-rat tendency that I am trying to conquer!

So yes, our house is smaller, and so is our yard. But our hearts are full and hopefully there is a tiny bit of padding left in our bank account at the end of the month. And by padding, I mean, we'll be happy with $20!

Pregnant Day

I am having a "pregnant day" today. What exactly does that mean?

It means I'm hormonal...i.e. grumpy and emotional.

I am impatient. Which makes me feel like a terrible mom.

My hormones are making my anxiety about various things in life more intense than necessary.

I am feeling FAT. My maternity clothes aren't fitting as well anymore.

I get grumpy when I can't exercise regularly...and my exercise lately has not worked up the sweat I need to make me happy.

I am unmotivated. Which makes me mad because I have so many things that need to be done.

When the baby has been moving today it's causing me pain. I guess it's how I'm carrying this baby because I've never experienced this before. The kid jabs and pokes me and makes me catch my breathe. Ouch!

I think I have just over 5 weeks left before my c-section. Of course to add to my pregnant day, I saw the nurse practitioner yesterday at my appointment, not the doctor, so I STILL don't have an official date. I go in again on the 14th so I hope I'll get my official date and time then. I should just relax about it. But I'm such a planner that it drives me crazy to not know yet.

I am trying to remind myself that this is the last time I will feel this way. That there are so many women who would give anything to experience a "pregnant day.' That this too shall pass.

But in the meantime, I'm going to continue my pregnant day.

The Last Baby?

This morning as we were walking at the lake (my back is not allowing me to run with the jogger any more) Miss Rose asked me if this was our last baby. Previously she has told me we should just keep having more and more babies.

I said yes, it probably is our last baby. But, I told her, that means when this baby is old enough--we can get a dog! She immediately got excited about that and it didn't bother her that this will be the last baby.

Speaking of last babies...I signed a consent form for a tubal ligation today. Since I require a c-section, it makes the most sense for me to have the procedure done at the same time instead of Bean going in for the snip-snip. There still is this part of me that is having issues with it though. I have NO idea why. I know plenty of people who've had the procedure with no problems.

My issue is not even related to not being able to have more children. I know this is a good size for our family and I trust that if God intends more children for us, he has another way it will come about. (or I'll be in that 1% that gets pregnant in spite of the tubal!)

I do need to work out my issues in the next 6 weeks.

I should just be comforted by the fact that we will get a dog one day, just like Miss Rose was!!