still figuring it out

I'm not sure I'll ever understand myself.  I guess if I did, life would be boring and predictable.  But I wouldn't mind a little better grasp of the things that make me tick.

Those of you who are regular readers, may think that I'm a health and exercise nut.  In some ways, I am.  I have great intentions and have had great results at times.

And yes, my little rants about food and exercise are probably becoming a bit tiresom to ya'll.  But it's where I'm at these days.


Through Weight Watchers and running I've lost a lot of weight after each pregnancy.  I've completed three half-marathons and a few 10k's.  I did the 30-Day Shred for 28 or 29 of 30 days almost a year ago.

But, as I've been sharing here, I still have food issues, and I'm finding it hard to stay consistent with exercise for various reasons.  Of course I'm great at sharing my successes, which easily lead one to believe I'm always successful.  But I'm not.

Why is it that I can be so motivated and so sucessful at certain points in my life, and fail miserably at others.  I'm doing a little better with getting out to run, but failing miserably at the eating.  I know what I should be eating.  I know I'm snacking too much, eating too many desserts and just generally indulging.

The waistbands of my pants are a little tighter than I would like them to be, and my muffin top and jelly roll are in full effect.  I feel SO much better about life when I feel good about myself.  Perhaps it shouldn't effect me in the way that it does, but it does.  I saw some photos of myself from last weekend that I was not thrilled with.  Not only do I need to find a miraculous eye cream and new easy ways to do my hair (instead of the basic ponytail), I was a little more round in all the wrong places.

I could go on a strict diet, and cut out all the junk.  Of course, that works.  But for me, that's not a long-term way of life.  I want to eat well the majority of the time, but I want to be able to enjoy the occassional treat or indulgent meal out.  I need to find that balance. 

Let's not talk about the guilt I feel for the lack of veggies in my children's diets.  On a good day, Miss Rose has 2-3 servings of fruit/veggies and Gracie has 1.  Gracie is still in that picky phase with food and if she doesn't want to eat it, you can't make her eat it.  We were relying on fruit leathers, which have no added sugar, for her fruit, but it was becoming a crutch.  So we've stopped buying them until she increases her fresh food intake.

I know, I just need to crack down and do it.  I need to create a plan and stick to it.  I need to find the exercise DVD's I can do early in the morning that won't wake my family.  I need to make an eating plan for the week and do it.  I have 23583497 calorie/food tracking app's on my iPhone.  I've been a part of several different online message boards for accountability in this area over the years.  I have the tools.

In my head, I'm working towards March.  I want to do my own version of March Madness...and cut out most processed sugar in my diet.  I think that would make a huge difference. 

In January our church did a 7-day Daniel Fast.  It was a great experience, both spiritually and physically.  I honestly wasn't hungry during the week.  Sure, I wanted junk foods at times, but by the end of the week, not having them wasn't a huge deal.  The Daniel Fast focuses on fresh, unprocessed foods and no meat or dairy.  I ate plenty of nuts, oatmeal, veggie chili and soup, fruit and vegetables, popcorn and herbal tea.  In my opinion, with the addition of some lean protein and low-fat dairy, it's a great way to eat all of the time.  Or most of the time. 

So I know, from that recent experience, if I cut this stuff from my diet, I will stop wanting it and looking for it.

I just need to find that stinking motivation and willpower.  Add that to some discipline and consistency and I'll be feeling much better about myself and my life.