the first tantrum

See the cute little girl in purple on the far left?

That's Gracie, enjoying her first tumbling class. A local rec center offers a tumbling class for toddlers that's pretty affordable. Gracie is active, but it remains to be seen if she will be as sports-minded as Miss Rose. We definitely intend to put her in sports in a year or two. But we knew she would enjoy this 4-week tumbling class. She was very cute to watch and participated in everything.

See this screaming face?

That's Lily, throwing her first bonafide tantrum. Boy was she MAD that she couldn't join in on the fun. She spent the entire 45-minutes trying to crawl across the gym to the tumbling mat. She squirmed like she hasn't ever squirmed before in my arms.

And she cried, and she fussed and she whined and she screamed. I kept having to walk out into a hallway to calm her down. But Gracie wanted to see that I was there watching her, so I couldn't leave for long.

At one point I let Lily squirm down to the ground. She looked at me, waved and said "bye bye," then turned to crawl to the mat.

Towards the end, I finally gave up and would let her crawl away a short distance before calling her back. Or if she didn't come back, I'd run out to grab her. And if she noticed Gracie she'd wave like crazy saying "hi hi hi."

I have some video I took on the camera. I may try to upload it to share later this week.

I don't think Lily is going back to tumbling.

my best run EVER!

I am pretty sure I just completed my best run ever!  I didn't set out to break any records or log a personal best.  It just happened.

Tonight I ran 5 miles in 45:17, which translates to a 9:02 average pace.  Thus far, my fastest average pace for up to 6 miles has been about 9:15. 

I never feel great my first 1-2 miles.  But then I seem to find my groove and start plugging along.  I knew I was pushing myself a bit and every so often I would ease up a bit, but then I just felt like getting right back to it.  So I did.

I left the house around 7:30pm, so the sun was setting and it was cooling off.  Once I worked up a good sweat I was the perfect temperature.  I ate fairly well today, plenty of protein which I'm finding is crucial to my body.  I took care to hydrate well all day.

Usually at the end of the run, I feel like I have more gas, that I could push it a bit further.  I almost always sprint the last several hundred feet of a run.  Tonight, as I was sprinting to the end my legs felt like they were going to fall off and my lungs were burning.  I really had to push until that lovely Nike+ voice told me I was done.  Oh was I ever happy to hear her! 

I learned tonight that I can push myself a bit harder, that I need to when I'm looking for a good workout.  I learned I am capable of more.  I don't know why, but I love shaving just a few seconds off my times.  A lot of training schedules call for "easy" runs.  I'm not too good at easy runs.  Even when I try for an "easy" run, I still end up pushing myself.  Because I like it.

I have been running for about 5 years now.

I love it more every day.

what raising kids is really about

My birthday was a few weeks ago.  Perhaps one of the best gifts I received that day was this post on my Facebook wall.

Happy birthday. I'm so glad you were born. Because, if you would not have been, who knows where I'd be today? I never even heard of God until I met you when I was a little girl. My life could've taken a WHOLE different path. Love you, girl!

This was written by my friend Leah.  We were neighbors when I was in 4th, 5th and 6th grade.  She was one year younger than me.  Our brothers had the same name and the four of us played together a lot.  They had two younger sisters, just like we did too.

It was probably the summer after 4th grade and a small church down the street was having a Vacation Bible School.  I don't remember why my mom sent us, or if we asked to go.  But we invited our neighbor friends.  It was safer then, and even though we had to travel about a quarter of a mile on a busy street, we walked to and from VBS each day for a week.  Maybe my mom walked with us some, maybe we were driven some, but I definitely remember the four of us walking alone also.

Leah accepted Jesus as her Savior for the first time that week.  I think we all went back to the same VBS the next summer too.  

We moved away, and then Leah moved to another state with her family.  We kept up through letters.  Her family got involved in church in her new state.  Her faith continued into college, where we could now keep in touch via our college email addresses.  Then we graduated and lost contact.  

Maybe a year ago or so she came to mind and I searched her name on Facebook, and of course I found her!   Leah is married, has three young children and is a working mom like me.  She still loves and serves Jesus.  She hasn't been back to California since moving, but I hope one day we will see each other again.

This is what it's about.  I was just a young girl, not afraid to share my Jesus.  Not afraid to invite my neighbor to VBS with me, at a random church down the street. And she came.  And her life was forever changed.  I was just a vessel.  

My question today is, am I raising my own children this way?  Am I instilling Jesus in their hearts and lives?  Is church a privilege?  One of their favorite places to be?  Or will I one day use it as a punishment?  Will I not listen to their wishes about a church and place my own in higher priority.  

One of the best gifts my parents gave me was the gift of a church.  A church that was home.  And even when their preferences changed, they recognized the value to their children.  And so we stayed.

I hope I raise my children to have a lot of Leah's in their lives.

a peace treaty

I've come to a conclusion this week.  It's time to make peace with my body.

I will no longer give mental energy to my body's shape and size.

I will no longer over-critique it, criticize it and obsess over changing it.

The nagging few pounds and muffin top won't run my thoughts or ruin my day.

I won't stress over numbers.  On clothing tags, on the scale, on nutritional panels.

I will stop comparing myself to others, because I always come up lacking.

If I want to enjoy food, I will.  If I want to follow an eating plan, I will.  But I won't beat myself up if I don't stay on it.

I will learn to love myself, the way I am, even if I am slowly working towards permananet changes.

I am who I am.  This is me.  Sure I'd like to see a few changes, but I'd rather them be slow and purposeful and part of a whole way of life, instead of drastic and short term.

I'm an emotional eater and often when it comes to sugar and carbs, somewhat of a binge eater.  Which is why I've been losing and gaining these last five pounds for months now.  I deprive myself, and something puts me over the edge and I over-indulge.

So I'm making a peace treaty with my body. 

I'm just going to live life, in the healthiest, most balanced way that I can. 

And maybe by the end of the year, I will have achieved and maintained my goals.

Now, I'm going to go eat some cake.

when all else fails+an interesting math equation

One of my blogging philosophies is this:
When all else fails, share photos.

Does it hold up? Are you distracted by these photos enough to not mention the infrequency of my posting? I definitely blog in clusters these days. And I'm clearly not in one right now. There are blogs writing themselves in my head and a few titles saved in my drafts to remind me. But they will have to wait on summer, and life I guess.

We're having lots of fun and doing all sorts of "summery" things. Like being buried in the sand by our cousin. Miss Rose is actually standing up under the sand. She's also wearing an old pair of my sunglasses.

Lily is getting so grown up, sometimes. The other morning she sat on the couch, drank her sippy and ate dry cereal out of a bowl for about 30 minutes. Miss Rose was sitting there too, but she got up when I took this photo I guess. It was so heartwarming to see my three girls enjoying the slow morning together.

Lily is still not walking, which is really becoming a pain in the back.
I know it may sound facetious, but it really isn't.

Can I share the rundown? It may sound like I'm complaining. And I kind of am. Although I still wouldn't change it for the world.

Here is what my back has been through.

9 months of pregnancy with Gracie

+

13 carrying Gracie outside the womb

+

2 months of carrying Gracie on my hip, while Lily began gestating in my womb (Gracie walked at 15 months)

+

7 more months of pregnancy with Lily

+

17 months and counting of Lily on my hip

And of course, even while pregnant with Lily and beyond, I've still carried Gracie plenty.

48 months friends. Of pregnancy or carrying a non-walking baby. 4 years worth.

Man, Mom's really rock!!

This is also why mother's bodies begin to break down.

And finally tonight, some patriotism.  I love dressing in patriotic colors on the 4th of July.  I picked out clothes for the little girls, and then Miss Rose wanted to follow suit and chose her own clothes.  This is pretty typical.  Miss Rose is not a huge fan of dressing up and we have enough battles right now, making her dress up for church just isn't one to fight.  Lovely wallpaper and hanging picture in our church office, huh?

I even had different clothes for me and the little girls (still patriotic of course) for later in the late.  I'll share those later.

For some reason, today was a really rough day.  For every reason, and no reason at all.  You know?  They happen to all of us.

Sometimes, I feel guilty when I'm in a bad mood and am mad at the day.  I know many have it rougher than we do.  But even when life is good, even when you are blessed, you can still have a horrendous day.  It's one ONE day though.  And tomorrow is a new one.  And Jesus is on the throne no matter what.

So I'm going to take my crabby self to bed.  Because sleep and the mercies of the Lord, which are new every morning, are the only cure.  I am praying I also have mercy for myself in the morning too.

G'night!

She's a smart one!

I can't seem to muster the mental energy for a true blog post.

But a couple cute tidbits in the meantime...

As I am getting out of the van and need to unload the kids I always hit buttons to open the side doors automatically.  This morning, as the doors were opening in the Target parking lot I heard a crash--indicating Lily thought it was fun to drop or throw her sippy cup down.

I went to the door and looked around under the van and car next to us, but couldn't find it.  I thought perhaps I mis-identified the noise and began to look in the van for the cup.  Lily then began her customary "uh-uh-uh" sound and was pointing out beyond the cars next to us.  I looked where she was pointing and sure enough, there was the sippy cup rolling halfway down the parking lot. 

She's a smart one folks!  She may not walk, but she knew what I was looking for and found it for me.  Little stinker!

Today, I brought the last of my baby items to a crisis pregnancy center.  I usually sell a lot of my items, but these were good items that probably wouldn't sell for much and would be much more useful to someone in need--like Born Free bottles, changing table covers, assorted clothes and my cherished breast pump and pumping supplies.  It felt good to donate it. 

While we were at the crisis center, Miss Rose said to me, "why aren't you selling this stuff so you can get money?"  I guess my ebaying and craigslisting habits have rubbed off a bit on her.  Apparently I need to emphasize blessing those in need as well.

And, a lady at the crisis center asked me if Lily was 9 months old.  Um, she's almost twice that age, and is average-sized for her age.  Kinda surprising from a woman who probably sees babies all day!

Have a wonderful holiday weekend!!!

a timely word

I have lived for Jesus my whole life.  I have been a minister of his word for almost 10 years now.  You'd think I would have a lot of things figured out.  But I am reminded again and again, I don't.  And that's how God likes it.  Sometimes as Christians, we think we should reach this place of "nirvana".  A point in life where we have it pretty much figured out.  We love God, we love our neighbors and we love ourselves and things in life go smoothly.  But Jesus told his disciples, "in this world you will have trouble."  If you look at the life of Paul, his trials never stopped.  And he rejoiced in them.

So instead of beating ourselves up, instead of feeling like we've done something wrong, instead of feeling like we have failed, we must learn to embrace the trials and tests of faith.  They serve as a mark of growth.  A reminder to rely completely and wholly on God.  A sign that we must continue to surrender to our Maker.

As I pray and watch and wait over situations and circumstances in my life and the lives of family and friends, I remind myself this is how it's supposed to be.  It signifies growth.

I read a timely word this morning.  Onc which I will be emailing a few friends today, and would like to share with you also.

My words...will come true at their proper time. [Luke 1:20]

What the Lord has said...will be accomplished.  [Luke 1:45]

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things

A loving heart has waited long to see;

Those words will be fulfilled to which she clings,

Because her God has promised faithfully;

And, knowing Him, she ne'er can doubt His Word;

He speaks and it is done.  The mighty Lord!

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things,

O burdened heart, rest ever in His care;

In quietness beneath His shadowing wings

Await the answer to your longing prayer

When you have "cast your cares" the heart then sings,

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things,

O tired heart, believe and wait and pray;

Peacefully, the evening chime still rings,

Though cloud and rain and storm have filled the day

Faith pierces through the mist of doubt that bars

The coming night sometimes, and finds the stars

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things,

O trusting heart, the Lord to you has told;

Let Faith and Hope arise, and lift their wings,

To soar toward the sunrise clouds of gold;

The doorways of the rosy dawn swing wide

Revealing joys the darkness of night did hide.

[Bessie Porter]

Matthew Henry said, "We can depend on God to fulfill His promise, even when all the roads leading to it are closed.  'For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ.  And so through him the "Amen" [so be it] is spoken by us to the glory of God [2 Cor. 1:20]

From Streams in the Desert.