what matters

The end of this year has just pretty much sucked. I try not to use that kind of language, especially around my kids. But it's sucked. Death, sickness, hospitalizations for family & friends. There have been some good times intermixed in the week (hanging out with good friends, and friends I haven't seen in a long time), but the death of our dear friend and brother Eddie, has just left a cloud of sadness over everything. Even last night, when we were at a Bowl game, and the atmosphere was fun, everything made me think of Eddie, and his family. Just sadness.

(you can read more here, here & here)

But these events have given Bean and I perspective, once again. Family and togetherness is what matters. It doesn't matter what else may be going on, or have happened, being together makes it all okay.

It didn't matter that in the course of a few hours the afternoon of New Years Eve, we had an extra toddler in our home while the neighbors made a quick trip the ER (torn ligament for the Mister). It didn't matter that my mom came home from the hospital after a hip replacement surgery. It didn't matter that Bean and Miss Rose left to get my mom's prescriptions, but the wait was long, so he left, got garlic bread at the store, dropped Miss Rose and the bread home, then returned to the pharmacy.

It was chaotic. Tiring. Not New Year's Eve-ish at all.

But we put it all aside, for our

Second Annual New Year's Eve Family Ice Cream Night.

Together.

We ate ice cream. Good, gooey ice cream. Even the baby. Who kept screaming for more. (I ate ice cream too, there were just no photos of it.)

I was dressed in fine satin, Sakura Bloom style! With my sweet, silly, girls. (Don't you love how you can see their individuality in this photo? I do.)

Bean and his girls. They love him, and he loves them. I see his love for them grow daily, and it melts my heart. (Can you tell the sugar is kicking in for Gracie?)

Then the sugar hit full force. Yes, Gracie is wearing one of her infamous sock-gloves. After she was buckled in, she told us she was doing her exercises, as she raised her arms up and down. Completely random; and hilarious. As you can see, Miss Rose was cracking up!

We were together.  And that's what matters.  I don't take it for granted.  My heart and prayers are with Eddie's family, who won't be together with him again this side of heaven.  And for other dear friends who have loved and lost this year.

 

Family. Together. What matters.

heaven

*I know these posts are a bit of a deviation from my usual topics, but I write what is close to my heart and while normally it's family stuff, right now it's heavier things.

Sometime in the last few weeks I had my first conversation with Miss Rose about heaven and hell.  She was asking some questions about consequences on earth, and I was explaining that there are eternal consequenes also.  As it is with most children her age, the conversation wasn't long, but she revisited it later that night as I was tucking her in.

"Mama, what's heaven like?"
"Just imagine all of your favorite things and everything that makes you happy and that's what it will be like forever."
"You mean, like having a Nintendo DS"? (something she doesn't have yet but wants so desparately)
"Yes honey, like that."
"Will their be food in heaven?  Toys?"
"Yup--better than all of that."
"Will you be in heaven?  Daddy?"
"Of course sweetheart, we will be."

With a satisfied sigh, and a look of contentment on her face, she snuggled down into her covers.  Of course I was touched that when it came down to it, the presence of her parents in heaven was what translated to her as the best thing ever. 

Our converstion came back to me as I have been reflected on the life of my friend today, and his new residence in heaven. 

He's there now.  With other loved ones.  This morning, I was imagining him cradling Baby Grace, as he knew her mom. 

And I longed for heaven.  To take up residence there.  For Jesus to return and take all of us Home.

Although I'm putting in a request.  I'd like my mansion to be on on a particular street.  A street where my childhood friends, many of whom are my adulthood friends also, live on one side and my college and adult friends live on the other. 

I love these people so much.  We share so many special memories.  If I could live near them all now, I would.  In fact there are some of us who have been reconnecting in person lately, and it's just been the best times.  We share such a bond, over so many things.

So I want a mansion by all of them.  I guess my friend is just one of the first to take up permanent residence in our new community.  Hold our spot buddy.  We're coming.

[and yes, did the tears ever flow this morning at church. the presence of God brings such freedom and comfort. being a pastor, I was in two services, and could barely sing a note. but it was good.  tears are good.]

too soon

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

That's today.  That's this holiday season.  In some ways, that's what this whole year has felt like.

In the midst of our holiday celebration with Bean's family this morning, Bean's brother got a call that his best friend passed away during the night.  A best friend who was like another son to Bean's mom.  A best friend who was a good friend of mine.  A husband, a father of two young sons.

We had an incredible youth group growing up.  A great youth pastor and group of friends.  Church and youth group were our lives.  We hung out all the time together.  Did every youth activity.  Went to church, just to hang out and be together.  There was a group of probably close to 10 of us that were incredibly close.  And still are.  No, we don't see each other daily, weekly or even monthly.  We live in various cities now.  But when we see each other, it's like old times.  It's like seeing your brother or sister after an extended absence.

This news is rocking our world.  Our buddy.  Our brother.  A giant bear of a man, a teddy bear.  He gave the best hugs.  I will miss his hugs.  They just eveloped you.  Almost every memory I have of our group of friends, involves him.  He was just always there.  One of us.  I opened an old photo album tonight, and the first picture was him and my brother-in-law.  It's been several years now since I've seen him on a regular basis.  But the role he played in my life was huge.  My brother-in-law talked to him almost daily.

It was good to begin to process this with family, who have known and loved him.  Tonight we had invited several friends over, who've been friends since those youth group days, for dinner.  It was good to be together, especially in light of this mornings news.  I'm just thankful for each of these friendships.  The long-time friendships and the memories we share.

It's beginning to hit harder tonight.  I've kept busy today.  Constantly moving.  So I didn't have to think.  And you know me, crying doesn't come easy.  Which is a blessing and a curse.  It means I'm not one who cries at the drop of a hat, but it also means when I do have emotions I need to express--it's hard to get them out.  But I know when it will happen.  Tomorrow at church.  When worship begins, and God's presence descends.  Then the cleansing flow will come.

I'm holding my loved ones close tonight, in my arms and in my mind. 

My prayers are with my buddy's wife, and their two young sons.  It's just not fair.

So much potential.  So much life yet to live. 

It was too soon.  32 is too soon. 

Christmas thoughts

My mind is full of many things. Many thoughts on Christmas and family and Jesus.

I am so aware this year of God's blessings on me and our family. We truly have so much. Not in that we are able to buy gifts for our family, but just the love that we share.

My heart was filled to overflowing tonight at our Christmas Eve service. At one point, the three girls were seated on the pew, sandwiched between Bean and I. The love I have for these girls, and that man, is overwhelming. And only magnified by the love I have for Jesus.

I absolutely love Christmas Eve services. I'm not exactly sure why. I think it's a combination. It's a service that is so full of anticipation, and the sole focus is Jesus and the celebration of his birth, which changed the course of history, and my life.

It's family, all together. No kids in childcare or Sunday School. Sure, they are squirrely and I don't catch every word--but having them in church with me is so special.

It's the music, the songs I love to sing. As I grow older, I learn the words to more Christmas songs, the lesser sung ones. And I'm so moved. This year, O Come, O Come Emmanuel is having an impact on me.

And other thoughts. Bean and I are both off next week. Besides church on Sunday, I have about 10 days off. Which is my first vacation since maternity leave. And maternity leave, especially when recovering from a c-section, isn't a vacation! I'm looking forward to the time with the kids and with Bean. To not having to worry about bottles for the baby. Or Gracie being sad that I have to go to work. To get together with friends and spend time with family.

I may or may not blog much over the next few weeks.

Enjoy this season with your family.

Merry Christmas, from my family, to yours.

an ornament story

There once was a little boy
Who would grow up to love
Those bucking Broncos

There once was a little girl
Who grew up dreaming
Of a true love, and a family
(and cheering for the Bolts)

Years knowing of each other
Music brought them together
And love quickly grew
Their first Christmas together,
A new dating couple

The next Christmas,
A happily married couple

A darling
Brown haired and chocolate eyed
Firstborn

Three years later
A green-eyed pixie
Of fair skin and dark hair

And then a sweet surprise
Another bouncing baby girl
A blue-eyed flower

Sharing a first Christmas
As a family of five

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It's been a few weeks, but I actually have time to share what I haven't been up to recently.  I am sharp as a tack and have great balance in my life.

I did not affix stamps to 20 envelopes, only to realize I had put them in the left corner, not the right one.
I then did not spend extra time peeling the stamps off, and then taping them in the correct position.
My mind is ALWAYS on what I'm doing and I wouldn't be that distracted.
[unfortunately, to tell the truth, I can't even tell you what my mind was on or why I was so distracted]

I have not found a new love in a Tuscan Bread by Trader Joe's and I did not eat four pieces of it tonight, as my dinner.  I eat very balanced meals and wouldn't eat a meal of only simple carbohydrates.

In much the same fashion, I did not down several pieces of fudge at 8am this morning.  Even if I found one of my favorite homemade desserts in our employee lounge, I certainly wouldn't indulge so early.   I also did not squirrel a few more pieces away for tomorrow.  I am also not completely mortified, actually admitting to this act.

It has not been over two weeks since I last exercised.  I am not afraid at all, of a few holiday pounds.  After all, I have wonderful eating habits and the exercise counteracts any little mishaps.  I am not at all disappointed in the lack of exercise I've had this entire year.  I did not completely underestimate the impact a third child would have on my activity.

I did not strike a deal with hubs, which allowed me to use my Christmas bonus for entirely selfish purposes and I am not anxiously awaiting the arrival of this.  I do not think it's impractical at all being that my baby is close to a year.
[And no, I didn't pay the price you see on that page.  They had a sale last week.  I'm not saying it was cheap though.  Just steeply discounted!]

In a very poor attempt to draw the attention off of these soul-baring confessions, I leave you with a moment I am so proud of in my daughter's life.

This morning at church, my oldest daughter, an avid Bronco fan like her father (just to spite me, I think) did not tell a jersey-wearing Charger fan that she "wouldn't talk to her because of that shirt" and then she did not proceed to do her rendition of The Jerk dance, while singing the song ("You're a jerk, You're a jerk, You're a jerk").  I raise my children far better than that.  Miss Rose's move is here around 17-18 seconds in.  If you're wondering, she can show you the "Hip Hop Turkey" too, which I'm really not sure is an actual move, but she apparently learned it at school.  But her dancing is a whole post in itself.

I'm proud people, oh so proud.  Of myself and my offspring. 

o tannenbaum

We finally got our Christmas tree. We walked up to the lot and asked Miss Rose what tree she liked. The first one she chose, was perfect for our home and so we took it home! After paying of course.

And while Daddy and Miss Rose got things with the tree all squared away, Mama held "two babies" as Gracie would say. Gracie is getting closer to three, which is not a fun age in my opinion, and she needs mama quite a bit. Which is fun to balance with a baby who wants to be so close to me 24/7, I swear she'd climb back in my uterus if she could.

**note the socks, pulled all the way up to the capri leggings. Gracie has her own sense of style and she's quite opinionated about it. And of course there is a dress under that jacket. Would she be caught in anything else?

Decorating the tree was quite fun. This was the first year that Miss Rose remembered quite a few of our ornaments and Christmas decorations. It was fun to hear her exclaim with glee over various items. Gracie just thought it was fun to have Daddy take her picture with every ornament that she picked up.

Our first Christmas, with three girls, in our own home.

love. pure love.