Saturday, May 24, 2008

Should life be fair?

When was it that there was a conceptual change between "life just isn't fair" and "let's make it as fair as we can" ?

Growing up in a family of 4 kids, there was not always equality. I'm sure it was next to impossible, but I don't remember it really being an issue for me. I do recall my parents telling us that "life isn't always fair." My siblings and I did not compare birthday presents or parties or Christmas gifts. And even if we did, it wouldn't have made a difference to my parents. We just learned to enjoy and appreciate what we had.

It seems today that equality is a huge deal, especially when it comes to kids. We have to spend the same $$ amount on Christmas or birthday gifts AND the number of gifts must be the same. It's not just the birthday kid recieving gifts, it's the siblings too--just so they don't feel left out. If a child is having a hard time with the lack of fairness in life, we console and coddle them until they are feeling better.

I prefer the school of hard knocks. I know, I'm kind of old school on this. Life just isn't fair and I don't feel the necessity to make it as fair as possible for my children. I do not feel a necessity to give them identical birthday parties each year. They may have unequal numbers of Christmas gifts. They are 3 years apart, so what makes the younger one happy may sometimes cost less than what we want to give the older one. And who knows--some years, it may be vice versa.

And I will not feel the need to explain myself about everything. Some things just are becuase I am the parent and I know best. Your brain isn't mature enough to comprehend the vast complexities of why I have made the decision I have. I will do my best to explain in words and ideas you understand, but beyond that--just deal with it.

If I began to recount the vast number of injustices I have had to deal with as an would equal the number of injustices we all face in our lives. Life really isn't fair. For a variety of reasons. I don't want to give my children a different picture.

What I do promise to my children is that I will love you unconditionally, with God's help I will always make decisions that are in your best interest. As you grow and mature, I will help you understand why we make the decisions we do so that you can learn to do the same in your life.

Life SHOULD be fair. But it isn't. I won't purposefully be unfair to my children, but I also won't cater to their every whim. Because I'm the parent..that's why!!


  1. Life just isn't fair...
    that's how I was raised too :o)

  2. I am sooo with you! It's not fair and lots of times you just have to DEAL.


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