running through my head

This no time/energy/creativity for blogging right now is bumming me out!  I love this little space.  But I love the three little people and the big man in my life more, and they've needed a lot of me lately.

The past week has been very challenging.  It was the first week back to school for Miss Rose and back to work for Bean and I after a week off after Christmas.  I found it pretty difficult to get back in the groove.  Even though I was waking up at the same time, and had the same morning tasks, we were almost late to school most of the week. 

I have been dealing with some pretty bad headaches this week.  Migraines, tension headaches that grip my neck and shoulders.  I have one right now.  This is a trouble area for me, but this week has been especially bad.  It's a combination of stress, anxiety, caffeine withdrawls and who knows what else.  I went to the chiropractor on Wednesday and have another appointment on Monday. 

A friend of mine is dealing with some internal bleeding believed to be caused by taking too much Motrin.  I pop that stuff like candy.  Along with other meds for pain.  That scares me.  If I can't get the pain under control I will probably see a doctor and figure out what they can do to help me.

Bean had a very bad flu the past few days.  He doesn't often get sick and when he does, usually he powers through.  Not this time.  He spent much of two days in bed or on the couch and I got the kids out of the house when possible to give him some quiet.  He's on the mend, but is not 100%.  Then Gracie woke up today with a fever, which makes her vomit.  Luckily, it was mostly mucous and stomach bile.  But still, not fun.

I'm hoping and praying no one else gets it.  But Lily has a bit of a cough, which is how Bean started out.  And Miss Rose constantly fights a runny nose, usually from allergies, but it easily turns into an illness.  I need to get back into the working and thriving in life groove.

My floors all through the house are terribly dirty, we are always behind on laundry, and I have more organizing to do in the new parts of the kitchen.  Let's not talk about the constant state of messiness in the bedrooms.  Miss Rose desperately needs a chore chart and a behavior chart too.  Her attitude and how she speaks to us is a real challenge right now.

All in due time I suppose.

Bean and I just finished a week-long Daniel fast with our church.  It really felt like a lot of the difficulty we faced this week was due to our obedience to God and the enemy coming against us.  But in spite of it all, we stayed true to our course and are believing God for blessing and guidance as a result.  It's difficult to not have the "spiritual high" after what should be a spiritual experience.  But sometimes you just have to be obedient, even when you don't have the "high" to go along with it and trust that God will honor your committment.

I'll be working home from tomorrow with a sick Gracie.  I'm hoping she wakes up without a fever so she can go to Grammie's on Tuesday.  I need to get back in that groove!

frazzled & fragmented [running through my head]

It's been too long since I blogged.  I miss this space when I don't get to visit.  Life feels fragmented right now, and I'm frazzled.

When I got home from work today, the security screen was unlocked and the front door was wide open.  At first I was freaked out and entered the house calling "hello" waiting for the boogieman to pop out.  Sure I had a baby on my hip, but I have strong legs and I could have kicked him and defended my children.  My mom said there were no contractors here today.  The best explanation is that I was concerned about getting the kids to the car through the rain, planned to come back and lock the house, but promptly forgot.  Major FAIL.

We have too much furniture.  The addition of a Christmas tree is suffocating me.  Our last house was the largest living space we'd had and we bought a couch and love seat, in addition to the comfy chair and love seat we already had.  It was perfect for that space (dual living rooms).  But now our home is smaller, and we own it.  The chair has a home with my sister currently.  And we have one too many love seats. 

Bean mentioned the idea of selling the set, and getting a couch to match the original love seat we've had.  It is our favorite.  In the meantime, we may need to move a couch to the garage before I go crazy.  Yes, those things can make me go crazy.  Even though next week we will take the tree down, and bring the couch back in.

I am not ready mentally for Christmas.  I've done all the major shopping, with the exception of one item for Lily and stocking stuffers.  But things have been so fragmented with moving out last week, being home now, but still not settled.  We've still barely been home.  I have yet to wash laundry from last week.  The rain doesn't help because we have to go outside to wash clothes.  We don't wash them outside.  That's how we get to the garage.

I want to bake.  I want to fill my home with yummy smells.  I want to bring goodies to my neighbors and my co-workers.  I need to watch White Christmas.  I have more Christmas cards to send out.

Tomorrow is my last day in the office for a week and a half.  Which is good.  As a pastor though, rarely can you fully disconnect.  Hopefully I can get enough done tomorrow that I will be able to mostly disconnect.

I'm working on not coveting this holiday season.  Bean and I aren't really doing gifts for each other this year.  Our gift is the house.  There were a few items that we weren't able to stay within the budget on (because you can't really find an entry door for $100) and if the contingency money written into the contract runs out, we'll need to pay the difference.  If not, there are many things we need for the house.  Well, things we want, but things that will help make this a home to be proud of, a complete home.

There are plenty of things I want.  Plenty of things that people around me seem to have or be getting.  But nothing that I need.  I want to be content.  I want to be thankful for what we have and that we are staying the course to pay off debt and stay within our budget.  But I will tell you, coveting is very difficult to suppress. 

Although I struggle wanting the ideal Christmas (decor, baking, gift-giving, Advent, Jesse Tree, discussions with my children), I'm thankful that this year the main focus is on family togetherness.  There is simplicity.  There isn't much distraction.  Kind of like the night the Savior was born.  Simplicity out of necessity. 

I have rambled enough for one night. 

Hopefully I'll remember to lock the house tomorrow.

running through my head

I'm a processor.  That's for sure.  This is one of the places I like to process things.  Hence, what's running through my head.

We met a dog today.  We've been talking on and off about getting a dog and Bean has pretty much promised the kids we'd get one.  We're still waiting to receive a grant that will enable us to do more upgrades on our house.  Our line has been "we'll look for a dog when construction is done."  But we've been waiting for almost a year now.  {love county programs}  We found out about a free golden retriever and decided to meet him.  He's sweet and beautiful.  But he hasn't had much formal training and needs to be neutered.  My friend who loves goldens and has one, says they are people-pleasers, and are easy to train.  But we still aren't sure.

It's major crack-down time on Miss Rose's attitude.  I really need a manual with this girl.  She's so disrespectful to adults that are family, including us.  She is sassy and has attitude.  We correct her all the time, and discipline, but it's not working.  I'm honestly at a loss as to how to get through to her on this.  The last few days have been a bit better with a privilege tomorrow on the line.  But it's so exhausting.

I need Gracie's manual too.  Miss Rose's attitude has a direct influence on her.  She's a feisty one lately.  Part is just being 3.5 I think, but she sees and hears her sister.  And so does Lily.  I've observed her copying the pouting and protests.  Not good.

I'm going to be a parent helper on Miss Rose's field trip to the pumpkin patch on Thursday.  She is very excited because it's her first field trip ever, and her first ride on the school bus.  She's very excited about me going as well.  As a working mom, I don't get to volunteer regularly in her classroom, so I try to do a few special events during the year. Even though I have two weekdays off, it means paying for additional childcare for the little ones.  I'm sure it will be insane (the entire first grade is going) but lots of fun

Sometimes I feel like I still live in a dorm, or a college apartment.  We are still in the process of figuring out systems and routines in this home.  Yes, we've lived here almost two years--but a lot has gone on in those years, not leaving much time.  Our 2nd bathroom was finally completed thanks to my brother, but we need to get shelving and storage in it.  Our sink and the toilet tank are covered in bathroom paraphernalia that doesn't have a place to go.  Our bed has never had a bedskirt.  We have a very unorganized book shelf.  There is always random stuff on the kitchen counter.  I really want a buffet or console unit or small dresser for the living room that will provide covered storage, drawers and still be classy.  Someday...

Lily has the worst habit of waking up randomly and crying.  Usually after a minute of consolation she goes back in her bed and to sleep.  But it happens a few times an evening, and sometimes through the night.  I'm not sure why she cries.  And I wonder if our consolation only perpetuates the issue.  But she's my last baby and I hate hearing her cry.  {she's crying right now...hence this paragraph.  I want to see if she'll go back to sleep on her own, but I'll probably give in soon and go in.  Or send Bean in.}

I'm scheduled to run 6 miles tomorrow.  My Wednesday runs have to be in the morning due to evening church.  The actual running of those miles isn't a problem, it's the time required.  I'll finish in under an hour, but then it's a mad rush to have Ella ready for school and myself ready for work.  I'm so lucky that Bean does a lot before he leaves.  He gets Miss Rose up and going and whatever else is needed.

So, that's what's been running through my head.  What's running through yours?