My friends have ranging numbers of children. Some have decided their families are complete, others aren't sure or know they still want to add to their family. I know families of all girls and all boys and mixtures of genders.
With the availability of many different types of birth control, many families "choose" the size of their family. There are always those who get a little "surprise." A few friends have recieved this precious surprise due to hubby's lack speed in getting a particular procedure done, once the family size was decided on. Around me, it seems that many have settled on 2. A few ended up with 3 due to hubby's tardiness in getting a particular procedure done.
I strongly believe that God is in control of reproductive organs! If He so desires, God has a way of getting around all of our prevention. Conversely, I think there are times conception is delayed as a part of God's plan. And then there are those who struggle so greatly against fertility issues---none of which I believe are God's direct doing.
But--here's my question for today. How do you determine that "magic number?" And what if the magic number is different for husband than for wife?
I have this strong desire for another child. Growing up in a family of 4 kids, I always imagined myself with 4 or more kids. I loved having a lot of siblings and even as an adult, I still do. When we've faced various family difficulties, tragedies and challenges--the more shoulders to bear the burden, the better.
Bean would have been happy with just one child. A famous story in our life is that the night before my scheduled c-section with Miss Rose (#1) he mentioned that he had never seen himself as a father or having children. Not a good thing to tell your 39-week, hugely pregnant and highly hormonal wife! We decided to add to our family because we saw value in Miss Rose having a sibling. (I was willing to say anything to get that second baby!!)
I have many friends with two children who have decided their family is complete. There are a lot of pro's to two children. When the whole family is together, there's always a 1:1 ratio. He gets one, I get the other. We fit in basic cars/small SUV's. With two children of the same gender, we could even get by with a two-bedroom house. The list could go on.
But there is this desire deep down inside me for another child. I just can't imagine not having another one. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl--at this point, I'd expect a third girl. I just want another baby, someday.
Bean and I have had many discussions about this. He looks at it from the practical, financial standpoint. The addition of another child would divide our ability to help with vehicles, college, weddings, by 3 instead of 2. However, I figured out my own way through 4 years of private college--and although I have student loans, it was well worth it. Bean and I pretty much paid for our own wedding. Neither were the end of the world and it all worked out. I DO want to provide my kid with the best I can, but I have to acknowledge that it's all in God's hands anyways.
A few months back we reached a compromise. My AMAZING hubby recognized the fact that while he will love a third child just as much as the first two, I would always feel an emptiness not having a third child. We both were willing to give up our sides, but I really appreciate his insight, because I think he is right. So, Lord willing, we will have a third child.
There are days though, I try to convince myself that my two are enough, that we are complete. I'm a bit envious of those who have reached this conclusion, because there are a lot of positives about stopping at two. I try to imagine our family, years down the road, with Miss Rose and Gracie. While I know life would be full and lovely, I still have the longing for more.
I guess I just have to trust God and the desire he's placed in my heart. There must be a child that he has predestined to be in this world, with us as his/her parents. My long-time favorite scripture verse is "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." I've always held to the fact that when you are delighting in him, the desires in your heart are his desires for you. So I suppose if I make sure I'm delighting in him, and the desire for another child remains--it's up to him to make it happen.
(and secretly, I'd LOVE for a third pregnancy to result in twins...then I'd get my 4 children and Bean would have to accept it as God's will!)